college, take 1

 sunday is crazy. everybody is so loud. we make new friends but only some of us can actually remember all the new names. there's 3 hannahs in this ward. i meet a boy i went to primary with when i was three in california. my roommate makes us roast. we are thirteen years old and spy on boys with red trucks, and may or may not vandalize them a bit. heritage halls is efy right now, so we go to wyview where the living is easy. we talk too loud and we love the fact that we're together. we go home late and i talk to a boy on the phone, because i'm a huge flake and he needs someone to talk to. we go to sleep at midnight and i am happy to see pictures of my most loved right next to my pillow.
i wake up at 8 o'clock to mat kearney. when i open my eyes i'm confused. why am i not in my room? and then i remember. i'm going to college today.
mikelle and i take first day of school pictures on our beloved fire escape.
i'm not very good at feeding myself and the only food i've eaten as a result of my own efforts so far are captain crunch, wheat thins, toast, and milk. too many grains? maybe.
i walk to the marb with my roommate ashley. i walk to the art museum from there to time it. i walk around campus with a very uncomfortable backpack. i sit in the library for an hour across from a boy i knew in junior high. i spot an actual cute boy who has nice glasses and a button-up shirt. (so far, cute freshmen don't exist.) i text my friends. i go to living with plants.
my professor's name is sam and he is a cute man. shh, that's not awkward. we all introduce ourselves and talk about things we love. we learn about our class, where my homework is to take the campus tree tour, raise a pea plant, and go on a field trip to fish lake.
i run to art history where i make friends with a blonde girl named laura, which i am happy about because i already have a blonde girl named laura. my professor is hilarious and i feel at home watching the slides. i am happy to know that the colorful blobs in front of us are helen frankenthaler's. and we discuss bernini who is my favorite sculptor.
i go home and i'm very tired and i look up all my syllabi and feel proud that i am handling this so gracefully. my blonde laura visits and i go to the hub and try to read my art history but i'm distracted by ari and spence and jar and mikelle and weston. i should be reading it now, but again, i'm distracted.
we do homework until 8:40 and then da boiz swipe us for dinner in the cannon center.
they walk us home so we don't get raped and then we go to sleep at the very decent hour of 10:30.
and that, my friends, is college day one.
success.

i love it.
trust me. go to college.

it's hard to miss but it feels good to fill your heart part-way with new experiences.

and let boys buy you food as much as possible.

sincerely,
hannah, the voice of reason.

college life.

so far college for me has consisted of three days of moving boxes into my apartment, and seeing a large amount of people i knew from junior high and high school. i feel like a perpetual teenager. i saw my first crush on the street on wednesday. really.
it's good--i like to see people i know, and to have people that i talk to. but still, i don't want to be stuck in high school forever and i'd like to make some new friends. but considering that i've only spent approximately 3 hours total on campus this week i'm sure things in that area will improve.
today we went to church and i have to say byu wards are an interesting thing. but i kind of love it. oh and there's 5 kids in that ward that i've known from high school & junior high. awesome.
in other news my books cost me 330 dollars and a cute black guy winked at me at the bookstore.
nat & jess arranged my new closet in roy g biv. i'll give you a tour later. with my webcam. because i don't own a digital camera. fun. notice the current significant decrease in photo quality. someday i'll get a darkroom and take all my photos with my good film.
i'm trying to figure out how to live off of 15 dollars a week.
i'm an education volunteer at the byu museum of peoples and cultures. i get to take little kids on field trips. it is wonderful. visit on thursday mornings.
skype is my favorite thing in the entire world.
i got a letter from the redhead.
also i'm cooking up a new mail circuit. be excited.
mail circuits take me approximately 1,047 hours to coordinate, though. so. expect one then.

p.s. that girl up there is my roommate mikelle. we're cute.

love, han

the a's of the q's

i hope you don't mind length. this is lengthy. i've inserted handy dandy photos to break up the monotony of words.

q: I would like a real love life story,
like one that's true,
because I feel like you'd write about your past or current boyfs in such an interesting way!

a: oh the irony. i'm probably the last person you want to ask about this. "boyfriend" stories will only lead me back to one immensely dysfunctional relationship, and no one wants to know about that. it's a real downer.
i've never had a particularly romantic kiss and i only feel comfortable making physical contact with a select few males. i've never been in love, but i will be someday.
the closest thing i have to love is a tall red-haired boy who also happens to be my best friend. why i bring him up is because he's the only boy in this world that i really completely trust, and he is my standard for boys that i will actually date. we met in sophomore english, where he sat behind me and used to whisper inappropriate things. i hated him. then he grew on me. we like to feed ducks and swing and run around in fountains. i can tell him anything and we sometimes get stuck at the snow-cone place for hours talking about the gospel. he's just as scared of spiders as i am. we like to move our hips like yeah and sing teenage dream at the top of our lungs in his little truck. we go to the temple and we write letters and talk about all our big dreams. he's a real sweetheart and he's not afraid to be himself. he's confident and a born teacher and he's helped me out in life more than he knows. he's currently sacrificing two years of his prime for the lord's errand, and i couldn't be more proud of him.

all we are is friends, but he pulls me closer to love and he's a ray of sunshine that came from a lot of dark.

q: What are three things in your life that bring you pure bliss?

a: 1. my family. my mom recently got married (which is a super good story in and of itself) so our family is now huge. 11 people anyone? mom, neal, cami (19), me (almost 18), jessica (16), emma, eliza, and kacie (all 12. e & e are my twin sisters), karlee (9), mckay (the only boy! 4), and jordyn (3). i'm pretty sure that's accurate. it's so good to see my mom happy, and i love them all. a few nights ago we had an epic dance party in the kitchen and it's the most fun i've had in a while.
2. art. art makes my heart feel huge and i smile very big and i want to tell the whole world about it.
3. monte carlo. it's the best movie ever. i've seen it in theaters 3 times. every time it gets better, and the whole day after that i just giggle and repeat things like, "anything can happen! life is magical! where's my australian?". trust me, see it.

q: you've got one day without any limits&restrictions in a strange city, which city will it be and what will you do?

a: okay, i've got to say paris. i'll awake bright and early in a super fancy hotel and dress in my super parisian trouser pants and brogues and little hat. i'll hit up the patisserie for some pain au chocolat & a fruit tart & a quiche, and magically be able to eat them all without getting a food baby or anything. i'll fly to the louvre (because there's no restrictions) where i am the only person let in for the day. i'll go peek at winged victory and a few others that i love, and then the curators will take me on tours of the back rooms where i can secretly touch the statues and no alarms go off. directly after that i'll fly over to san chapelle where i'll lay on the floor in the middle of it (by myself again). i'll do a lot of pondering and i'll probably write in my journal. i'll cry because it's so beautiful. for lunch i'll invite my fellow frenchies to fly over--mikelle, ari, nat, and jenoa--and we'll eat in the tulleries and just talk. then, a ton of super handsome guys will come over & we'll invite them to be our dates for this evening. then i'll take them up to montmartre and we'll get portraits painted of us. they'll leave to go get ready, and all the rest of the people i know will be on their way for the surprise coming this evening.
i'll go shopping and buy everything i like on the champs-elysees. i'll have a photoshoot with max wanger all around paris. they will be pictures i treasure. then i'll get on a boat down the seine to the musee d'orsay, where everyone i know and like (even everyone that reads this blog) will meet me for a dinner party. we'll eat the best meal ever by julia child tag-team with mario batalli and wolfgang puck. everyone will be wearing their dream outfits and we'll all admire the art. the curator at the musee d'orsay will find it absolutely necessary to gift me a matisse and i will graciously accept it for my home. we then head out to the sparkling eiffel tower where we'll have a ball on the top. we dance and dance, and my handsome date who just happens to be gaspard ulliel will give me a movie-kiss. as the night swings to a close, the most spectacular fireworks show will start to go off. we'll all sit and admire, and i will be so happy to have everyone i love all around me. the end.

q: How did you grow as a photographer/graphic designer.I'm trying to get better and plan on taking a graphic design class next year.I love your photos in this post a lot.:) 

a: thank you! well, i had always been interested in graphic design but i didn't really know anything about it until i became the layout editor of my high school's yearbook. (which was the best ever, by thee way.) i just learned my stuff in indesign and photoshop & i'd make fake graduation announcements and magazines for fun. as the blog design stuff goes, i've recently found a lot of cute design elements via pugly pixel that inspire me. i use them to make the designs. i like to design other people's blogs for them, it's one of my favorite things. you can check those out here, here, here, here, here, and here. i know, phew. i get fonts from dafont & colors from color collective, which you can find a link to on the sidebar. as for photography, i suck at it with digital cameras. all my photos are from an old film camera that was my father's in the 70's. it's the camera, not me.

q: Will you go out with me?

a: haha, yes. if you can manage to ask me in person.

q: WHy do you smell like....poop? 

a: jessica, YOU SUCK!! kapow. i didn't miss.
(jessica is practically my sister. i sleep at her house for days on end and we really like to fight. she stinks.)

q: how did you do your layout?

a: it's just one of the simple templates from blogger. i deleted all the backgrounds and drop shadows (you can google css codes to override things like that. just paste it in to the "add css" in the advanced section of your template designer.) i always make sure the blog width is 1000 pixels and then i design the headers in photoshop at 1000 pixels wide so i don't have to resize them, because sometimes that screws it all up. you can email me specific questions if you'd like :) 

q: what's your most awkward doorstep scene?

a: whitney, do you really think i'm going to answer that?

and that's that. thanks for doing me a solid, peeps!

q&a

film photos from france:

beautiful clothes at the department store across the street from the opera.

the opera garnier (the one with chagall's ceiling)

blossoms

well well well.

let me explain why i'm here.

i'm here due to wanting a break from a life consisting purely of packing and buying various hangers, notebooks, and pilot g2 pens. because nearly everyone is gone and i need to break up the monotony, and since nothing is new for me to write about, i thought i'd ask you.

(excuse me while i speak for both mallory and i, i hope i represent her accurately)

this blog started one winter day in mine & mal's seminary class our junior year. i'd been reading some blogs and was smitten. and rather foolishly, thought i could be a stylish blogger and have fan girls all over the place. but i wasn't too naive to know that i'd need a partner for this--i asked mallory. we were the perfect team. she went home that afternoon and created this here blog, and well, the rest is history. we started out with only readers who knew us personally, more or less, and a super cute orange template complete with photos of a couple kissing on a ferris wheel. it really was great. though maybe misleading? who knows. 

now, i've gotten slightly better at graphic design & the blog improves each time i do it. and, it's clear that we have many more lovely people joining us than just our friends at school.

we know we're vague. our goal on this blog isn't to keep a day-to-day log of our activities. we know that you don't care where we eat out or what fabulous clothes we wear (because to be honest we aren't that fabulous, i hope mallory doesn't mind that), our goal is to share the beauty in the small details in our lives. it's to convey emotion on a general and relevant level. it's to find the lessons we learn from simple experiences in our average lives and maybe help you out. we aren't claiming to be lovely and we don't expect you to care about our personal lives, but we are flattered when you appreciate us.

anyway, now that most of you don't know us personally, i'd like to extend an invitation. one that on the surface appears to benefit you, but really, i'm selfish inside and need something to fill my time.

to settle my half of the enigma that is "the flies" and give you a base on which to understand my writing, i ask you to ask me questions. what do you think you need to know about me that i haven't stated? or just questions about anything. i don't know if this is a good idea because i'm not as interesting as i like to think i am, and i have a fear that nobody will comment and i'll have to delete this awkward post.

so.

do me a solid.

if you read this, comment a question for me?

i would super love to answer and escape stuffing my clothing into boxes. 

thx peeps.

The Man.

It was the last day of my high school career. 1 in the afternoon. I was scheduled to graduate 6 hours later.

I was wandering around the hallways, remembering the good times that the last 3 years had held.

I came upon the double doors that I had opened so many times. The front of them was covered in pictures and posters advertising different shows in the area.

Behind these doors was the one room I spent more of my time in than nearly any other. Behind these doors was the place where I learned who I am and what life is and what the hell I'm doing on the planet earth. Behind these doors sat the man with the glasses, probably at his desk, annoyed at something or someone. Behind these doors were those black chairs with the fold out desks (I've sat in every single one of those chairs at least 20 times). Behind these doors was where I found myself. Behind these doors was where I learned to be passionate about life. Behind these doors were so many memories and some of my best and proudest moments.

Behind these doors was home.

I grabbed the right door handle and pulled the heavy hunk of wood toward myself. The scent of the room that I know so well hit me for one last time. I smiled and walked in.

I walked right up to the desk where the man with glasses was sitting, with his eyes on his computer screen.

His official title is "Drama Teacher," but his students knows him as "The man who saved my life." 

He looked up at me and back at his computer. While typing, he said in his favorite sarcastic voice, "OMG you graduate toniiiiiight. How ya feelin'?!" 

"Soooooooo pumped!" I responded, following the sarcastic theme at hand.

He finished with what he was doing and closed his computer. "So what's up?" he asked.

"Nothing, really. Just walking around on my last day as a high school-er. How are you feeling about the year being over?" I asked in response.

"Relieved and stressed. Another group going. It happens every year. It goes too quickly and then we say goodbye."

He removed his glasses and wiped them with his sweat shirt.

I've learned more from this man than anyone else. He has taught me everything I would ever need to know about life. And this was the last moment that he would hold the title as my teacher. My stomach knotted at the thought.

"You won't be my teacher anymore after tonight," I said.

He looked at me with a slight smile that held a bit of sadness. 

We made eye contact for a few moments and I piped up again.

"I'm wondering if you have anything left to teach me."

He held my gaze for a few seconds. Just as he opened his mouth, the tears started rolling out of both of us.

"Well, I'd like you to know that you've done more than I ever expected out of the little red haired girl that walked into my room three years ago. You're strong, Mallory. Remember that."

He went on, for minutes and minutes, with a speech that sent more tears from my body than ever before.

He knows me almost too well.

He knows my problems, and my biggest struggle in life. 

I know he knows this because of the advice he ended with:

"Remember to trust. It's okay to trust other people. Always trust God. And most importantly, trust yourself.

And remember that I love you."

I'll never forget it.

So here I am. Moved out. On my own. An "adult."

And as crazy as it is, and as fast as it all happened, I will remember the man with the glasses. 

I will remember all the days where he picked me up and helped me along. I'll remember the times we cried together. I'll remember the times we disagreed and fought and yelled. I'll remember the times we spent working together. I'll remember when he sang that song just for me. I'll remember everything.

Above all, I'll remember the things he taught me.

He's helped me through all of my toughest times.

Everyone has that one teacher. 

The one that cheers for you on the sidelines and let's you know that you're worth it. 

Because, to them, you are.

He was that for me. And I love him.

And because of him, I can trust myself. I can BE myself.

"Like the color purple."

"I don't think us feel old at all. I think this is the youngest us ever felt. Amen."

5

this is the original 5.
have you met them, yet?
if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't be reading my blog. because if it wasn't for them, i'd be a snob. kinda rhymed, eh?

we were brought together from day one by our mutual past (you see, we all came from one junior high which only supplied about 30 people to our new high school--literally everyone else was new and all we had was each other. lucky us, though) and the it-had-to-be-controlled-by-the-man-upstairs chance that we shared the same english class.

not always together,
but never apart.
the other 4 are the foundation of my high school experience, my laughter, and my whole and powerful self.

if it wasn't for a yellow notebook or a psychology class,
the girl who asked to have one of my chips, who's also the girl who wrote me confetti-filled notes,
stargazing & the master & another day, another heartbreak,
moos, the whipped cream game, a listening ear,
or quoted youtube videos and emotional stability
i wouldn't be me,
and they wouldn't be them.

from them i learned patience, balance, laughter, lightheartedness, confidence, intelligence, faith, and how to be myself.

it's an ode to the best friends who have a place in the core of my heart
and i know they'll never leave
because we've gone three years with ups and downs,
but we still all sat on my couch and reminisced about knapkins and lone wolves and baby choir teachers and the old woman who swallowed a...
we laughed. a lot.
i looked around the room today. it's not often that we are all together at once. it was beautiful and it was home and i never wanted it to end.

no matter how much time stretches out between us the distances of our hearts will never change.

we were all meant to have each other from the very beginning, we know that for sure. from just us 5 in our first semester of high school, we've all branched out to meet countless other friends who mean just every bit as much to us as each other. we're not only the 5 anymore, and we're about to bring in even more new best friends. but here's to the beginning. i couldn't have done it without you.

i love you.

and i wish to each and every one of you just one friend as good as these ones. pay attention to the people god puts in your pathway. they are there for a reason. you never know when the weird girl eating a sandwich at the end of your table will end up being your best friend.

--hannah

whitney
shelbie
ari

Today was the day.

Yes, kids. I placed all of my boxes into the back of my new(to me) car and drove them all the way up to Salt Lake City.
Then, I received a key to a strange room, upon which I was told to call "home."
I unpacked.
And it took much too long.
And I was so

I just can't even believe that this is where I am.
Seriously. WHO EVEN AM I RIGHT NOW?!

Everything has happened way too fast.

And I'm scared.

Everything's changing...


My main support system AKA best friend and favorite boy left me on Tuesday.

For a good cause, mind you, but he went far away, none the less.

We spent Monday together. He wore that one shirt and I wore that one dress and we were happy just to be together.

As the day drew to a close, we laid in that one very significant spot and faced eachother.

Foreheads pressed together, feet intertwined, I asked him, "If you knew that this would be the last time we'd ever see each other or even speak, what would you want to say to me?"

He took loud breath. "Give me a second to answer this one."

I gave him a second.
And then a minute.
And then five minutes.
And I was still waiting.
Which is no big deal. The silence between the two of us is almost better than conversation.

My eyes were slowly drifting closed when he finally opened his mouth to answer, pulling me out of my sleepy trance.

"I think that I would tell you.."

He paused again, gathering his thoughts, this time for only a moment.

"I'd tell that you're wonderful. And that I wish you could understand how much you've done for me. Because, you know, I love you and stuff..."

There was a pause where I giggled, and he tucked my hair behind my ear.
He began again.

"And I'd also tell you to be positive. With everything. Keep a positive mindset and you can accomplish anything that you want. Just be happy. I just want you to be happy."


I didn't know how to respond.

So I didn't.
I just pulled myself closer to him.

And I realized that it's okay to be sad about losing something or to be sad about change.
You just have to see that happiness is around the corner. You can choose happiness. And there are people out there who love you. And they want, more than anything, for you to just be happy.

Hopefully it wasn't the last time I'll ever see him.
In fact.. I know it's not.
He's one of those unlucky people that is simply stuck with having me in their life forever.

But he's taught me a lot.
And I know I can successfully handle this growing-up thing.

It's easy.

There's only one rule of thumb:


Just be happy.