Dedication.

This post is dedicated to Shelbie Judith Anne Elizabeth Shill.
Not only did she request that I dedicate a post to her. But I want to.
Because she's the most exquisite human. And I love her.
I really do.

I've been thinking lately.
I know. I shouldn't be doing that so much.
But school is out. And I get bored.

Side note: I think more during the summer than I do during the school year... Do not ask me why this is... Because I haven't a clue.
Anyway.

So. I've been thinking.
About dedication.
It's funny that Shelbie said "dedicate your next post to me."
Because I promise that I had every intention of writing about dedication.

What is dedication, exactly?
Well, as Mr. Webster has defined it:

Main Entry: ded·i·ca·tion
Pronunciation: \ˌde-di-ˈkā-shən\

Function: noun

1 : an act or rite of dedicating to a divine being or to a sacred use
2 : a devoting or setting aside for a particular purpose
3 : a name and often a message prefixed to a literary, musical, or artistic production in tribute to a person or cause
4 : self-sacrificing devotion

I think I like the fourth definition the very most.
"Self-sacrificing devotion."
You can dedicate your entire life to one thing. You can basically live for one thing.
How weird is that?
I mean, I just have been thinking (like we already established) and I don't know if I'm a dedicated person.

In various occasions, such as job interviews and meeting-the-in-laws, people will often say, "I'm a very dedicated person."
But what on earth does that even mean?
You could be dedicated to terrorism or slashing tires or drug dealing or chewing gum from under the table, and yet you can still make yourself sound like a good, idealistic person by considering yourself to be "dedicated."

I mean, I'm sure I'm dedicated in some respect, but I'm not sure if I can consider myself to actually be a "dedicated person."
There are things that are a large part of my life, but what if I only think I practice dedication towards them?

For instance:
What if I'm not dedicated to the piano?
What if I'm not dedicated to my family?
What if I'm not dedicated to fixing my problem?
What if I'm not dedicated to singing?
And, the thing that stares back at me in the mirror, the elephant in the room where I sit alone, the question that scares me the most,
is
What if I'm not dedicated to myself?

These are all things that I have always thought myself to be dedicated to.
But what if I'm not? I don't know what dedication is supposed to feel like. What if I'm doing it all wrong?
What if I'm not a "dedicated person?"

I liked to think I was. But all of this thinking has me going on about the fact that I may not be.

So. Here's the thing.
(I'm about to make an executive decision. I do this on occasion. Sometimes it's a bad idea. But, this time, I think it's a good one...)
I'm going to be a dedicated person.

I'm dedicated to those 88 black and white keys that have a peculiar way of stressing me out.
I'm dedicated to making the most of whatever "family" I may have.
I'm dedicated to never leaving my friends and allowing them to have opinions, whether they be in sync with mine or not.
I'm dedicated attempting to fix the problem, in which, I just might save my own life.
I'm dedicated to optimism. Or at least making the most of a terrible situation.
I'm dedicated to learning, and I promise I will continue to learn every day until that most excellent day when I move past this life.
I'm dedicated to who I am. I'm dedicated to Mallory Elizabeth Ash, and all of her glory. Or disgrace.
I'm dedicated to myself. And to the man I'm going to marry.


You know, I'm sitting here, thinking again, and I fear that dedication may be tiring.
But it's okay.
Because I made the executive decision already.
And nothing is stopping me now.
I'm a dedicated person.
(dedicated is one of those words that begins to sound super weird if you say it too many times..)

Dedication is vulnerability, I think.
So, I suppose that I've made the executive decision to put my heart on the line for all of these things. Which is not going to be easy, seeing as I'm what one would consider to be a "closed book."

Dedication....
What a quality...
Well. Here we go.

I am dedicated to dedication.





By: Mallory