Sunday, May 29, 2011

swoosh. there it is.

fatal attraction.
the thing that gets me every time.
the swoosh.
there is no other way to describe this kind of hair that some men possess than with the word swooshy.
it is art. beyond language capabilities. 
and it renders me speechless each time.

remember the call center boy?
i passed him on the street on thursday.
he drives a blue car, and he was wearing sunglasses.
the only reason i recognized him was because his hair was as swooshy as ever.

while at cavestock, i ogled a boy from a neighboring school.
he had bright red swooshy hair. glasses. and a lot of freckles.
i was a goner.

i have a secret crush on another boy, who also maintains a fair amount of swoosh.
he also sang to me. more or less.

things are getting out of hand.
considering that none of these men are remotely close to letting me run my hands through their hair.

why does fate keep teasing me with one time encounters with swooshy-haired men?

to the next one: please stay. at least long enough for me to touch your locks.

impatiently yours,

Thursday, May 26, 2011

a whole lot of teenagers, and me.

i have to be sappy for five seconds.
i have to give a shout-out to the people i know.
high school would have been awful without these guys.
just a fair warning: this contains a lot of text about people you don't know. unless you do know them. so... if you get bored just stop reading. it's fine. go write your own friend-dedicated blog post. it's allowed sometimes.

why i love you:
laur: you'remybestfriend. tiny. cute. wise. you understand. how you say, "okay!". how i couldn't live without you. my husband has got to be your male form. we cry during tangled. how embarrassing. when i fell off the bed. how one text lead to one drive that changed our lives. you're amazing. you're a little warrior. conquering challenge after challenge.
ss: you're beautiful. you're you. you make me laugh. i make you laugh. stargazing and the kitty car. you're brave. talented. creative. you'll have the most interesting life of any of us. everyone loves you. easily the most popular girl in school, yaknow? i'll miss you like crazy.
ari: you know i'd be nowhere without you. how you answered every night. patience. understanding. always there. wise. and intelligent. more than any guy around here deserves. faith. love. i'm so glad i'll have you with me.
mikelle: roommate. i couldn't be more pleased. best friend since fourth grade, it's time to strengthen those bonds. you always listen when i blab. i appreciate that. you're always cheering for me. steady. capable. strong. beautiful. passionate. meows.
jess: strong. independent. accepting. fearless. friday nights watching old disney movies in your grandmother's house. why does no one like us? we're so cool. hostile. in a good way. crazy. hyper. gorgeous. spiritual giant. you better be sleeping on my floor next year.
nat: the most beautiful girl in that darn high school. you're husband is gonna be one hot babe. gentle. sweet. caring. compassionate. faithful. talented. talks of foreign men. speaking french. one day in the future when we'll live together. (next year.) also go to france. you better be sleeping on my floor as well.
jenoa: newest best friend. you make me crack up. no one i'd rather answer phones next to. unbelievable classy. way beyond high school. an adult. but playful. the good kind of grown-up. style, intelligence, poise. dang girl. where's your mountain man? it's time.
kels: ah. kels. how beautiful can one human get? you've grown so much this year. i love spending time with you. courageous. talented. take-charge kinda girl. you can get anything done. i admire you. i'm proud of you. call me when you're a. a duchess or b. a big-time fashion buyer.
whit: little. first thing i think of. so many jokes. so glad i spent that summer with you. mosquito bites and gallons of hot chocolate. sleeping in tents. must be repeated. you're special. hilarious. real. pregnancy is gross. your house is 12 minutes away, on a good day.
tori: so well rounded. seriously. how do you do it? you glow. you make me smile every day. and you're so sweet. healthy. athletic. pretty. smart. wonderful. world-traveler. you're so interesting. i aspire to be you.
mal: we started this blog. i like to hear about what you think. best voice. you make me feel loved. determined. you'll go far in whatever you set out to. i miss you. already.
sarah: little bear. i like running around the school and making a map of social groups with you. you crack me up, sister. you're independent. strong. honest. blunt, even. tasteful. unafraid. good luck.
jacob: new buddy. so glad council brought us together. music swaps. little kids. you talk really fast. i like to listen to you, most of the time. you've grown a lot, too. i'm proud of you. talented. smart. so strange. never cease to confuse and entertain me. let's get married. or you can just design my house.
parks: dude. best friend. i missed you, lately. your laugh. your smiley eyes. my family loves you. it's a party in the usa. you are good at listening. you understand me well, i think. i like our talks. thoroughly. i better know you forever. i want to see you marry the cute little blonde soccer player. and, dare i say it... i'm so glad to have you back.
steve: you're my favorite to dance with. preference? best times. you took me to the d.i. when i had the hardest day i've ever had. we bought that bowling trophy. it's a good memory. you're funny. sweet. you've got a testimony. you're enthusiastic. i like you. a lot.
spence: one word: perfect. ladies and gentlemen...
jackson: so. i wish you were my little brother. you make me feel comfortable. you're kind. gentlemanly. timid. wise. sincere. spiritual. quirky. i'll miss you. it's weird how sad i get when i think of how much i'll miss you. call me right now.
lard: when you asked me to homecoming, i was happy. that paper that was taped on the rocks happens to be taped in the space in my journal between easy life and hard life. isn't that interesting? you're a funny dude. i'm glad i'll be seeing a lot of you next year.
matthew: one time you hugged me and i fell down in the hallway. i remember it vividly. you're one of those boys i don't mind hugging, though. count your blessings. your loud voice. and work ethic. when we held hands... it's a sign!!! everyone knows you're meant to be a leader.
kaleb: you little guy. we go way back... remember fifth grade? i'm glad to have your house sit close to mine. i'm glad we can talk about things ever so easily, yet we hardly ever see each other. you're sweet. really sweet. i promise i love you.
o'mooney: you are good at dealing with me. i like that you let me be right. i like to fight with you. i like that you let me babble about art. prom. and even though your mullet really grosses me out, and sometimes i just can't even handle you touching me, i like it when you yell "hannah! you're so classy!"

i love you.
and that's the truth.

love, me.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


i've been thinking about beauty today.
why it's so important to me.
i was sitting outside reading eat pray love, and i read this:
"in a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. only artistic excellence is incorruptible. pleasure cannot be bargained down... to devote yourself to the creation and enjoyment of beauty, then, can be a serious business--not always necessarily a means of escaping reality, but sometimes a means of holding on to the real when everything else is flaking away into... rhetoric and plot."
we are achievers. we work hard to have good grades. when we graduate, we'll work hard to graduate again. and then we'll work hard to make money. then we'll work hard to preserve relationships.
so where's the point when these actions tie with emotion? when we live them, and not just do them?
when we see the beauty in it.
beauty is the link between human action and humanity. we weren't created to be machines. we were created to enjoy.
so while we're getting good grades, let's notice the color of the lines on our notebook paper.
let's relish the sound of the rain on the school roof and laugh when it leaks and drops fall on your head in the hallway.
and keep doing that through the rest of our lives.
it may seem that this beauty is a sad attempt for an idealistic reality.
ah, but it's not.
it's the only reality.
governments. friendships. families. minds. careers. financial statuses. transcripts.
all can be broken.
but your favorite song? you can still sing it.
the flowers in your garden? they can still bloom.
a smile? you can still make one.
and if all is lost, and you can't find any of those things,
the sun will still come up in the morning.

sometimes you won't even want to see the sun.

so that's when you find the beauty in the shadows.
beauty isn't always happiness. not at all. have you ever been incredibly sad, and looked at the window and noticed how delicately the raindrops stick and then flow together?
have you ever studied a picasso painting?
have you ever finished a book?
it's possible to feel simultaneously full of beauty, but at a loss of something else.

life is about the color of raindrops.
the sound of a child's smile.
the look of that one person's eyes.
the texture of a painting.
the smooth creaminess of yogurt.
the woody, clean, and unabashed smell of a real book.
the rhythmic tap of a pencil on a desk.
and the way the trees look in the nighttime.

so, blog resolve?

share beauty.
but share honesty.
life isn't perfect.
but imperfections have always been the most beautiful, anyway.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

a vicarious vacation.

well, my friends.
i am about to indulge myself.
upon the request of it,
and the fact that i no longer am subjecting myself to my own philosophy about blogging,
i am going to take you on a trip through france.
in fact, i'm going to do more than that.
i am going to indulge myself for the rest of this entire month. because my life has been beautiful. and i want to share it with you. i will also probably throw in sappy odes to my best friends and show you way too many pictures of myself. maybe if we're lucky, we'll learn something, too.
i feel joy. i want to share it.

enter normandy.

here we are.
richard the lionheart's castle.
and the pretty little town below.
from up on the grassy hill,
i wonder if this is reality.
or if this is a movie set.

i spent days driving through the countryside.
staring out my window as the green hills grew and fell, and small towns like this one flew by.
there are yellow fields everywhere,
they are supposed to be crops for canola oil.
i think they're just for the color.
we stopped in this small town.
we ate strawberries. and i bought my first croissant.
bonjour, je voudrais un croissant s'il vous plait.
deux euros.
merci beaucoup.
bonne journee.

the town flew by again, out of sight.
i found myself in giverny,
at monet's home, to be exact. his gardens are beautiful.
so is his paint.

i like that monet was one of the first to let his imagination dictate what he saw,
and what he made.
he wasn't a slave to reality. to the meticulous details of flesh and texture and form.
he saw light. so he shared it.

we slept here. at the chilcott's home.
an old english couple.
that first morning, i woke up, and walked out here.
can you imagine?
i felt like drew barrymore in ever after.
i felt like i wanted to live here forever.
it was a plus that there was a swing,
two ducks,
a cat,
and pink flowers.

the rest?
let's save it for another rainy day.
a preview:
-a dead bird in mr. chilcott's mini war museum
-sacred spaces
-department stores
-emails from the loved
-paris dresses
-art museums
-bike locks on bridges
-street performers playing sinatra, the beatles, and la vie en rose
-drunk guys on the metros (which i navigated all by myself. human compass.)
-hot guys all over the place
-elizabeth smart
-bruno mars, lady gaga, and avril squandering every hope i had of exposure to french music
-flower shaped gelato
-and an exploration of the latin quarter with cousin michael. (two seventeen year olds let loose in paris. a wonderful night.)

til then.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

something to love.

this year, mend a quarrel. seek out a forgotten friend. dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. write a letter. give a soft answer. encourage youth. manifest your loyalty in word and deed. keep a promise. forgo a grudge. forgive an enemy. apologize. try to understand. examine your demands on others. think first of someone else. be kind. be gentle. laugh a little more. express your gratitude. welcome a stranger. gladden the heart of a child. take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.  
speak your love and then speak it again.

--howard w. hunter

somebody loves you.

Monday, May 2, 2011

the lady from oklahoma city.

& of the photo... mostly because i enjoy it a significant amount. once again, creds to my girl s.s.

and of the lady.
oh, adventures at the call center.
she was 82. i was on the phone with her for about ten minutes.
i was supposed to try and get her back on track, but she was just so lonely. she told me her entire life story. as much as can be told in ten minutes.
i might get in trouble for listening for so long. good thing it was a slow day.
she was preparing to testify in court.
she was starting up her own inner-city church.
her son had recently told her he was homosexual.
her grandmother had been abused by her sister.
it was all very heavy.
and she wanted me to know that god loved me.
she told me stories of things god told her.
she invited me to her church.
i told her i wish i lived in her area.

i liked her.
i wish her the best.
i'm glad i got to speak with her on the phone today.
i wish i could speak on such terms with each customer.

that's all.

love, han.