Thursday, April 28, 2011

tuesday changed my life.

and no,
it wasn't a huge deal. sometimes lives can change with the simple turn of a page.
instance number one:
i got hired at a call center.
which is twenty times better than pizza place. by thee way.
and i was being trained. by none other than my soul mate.
and i sat next to him in this little cubicle, and we got to talking.
we talked about travel, and how we both want to study abroad in italy, among other places.
and then he mentioned paris, and i said, i just got home from paris.
so then we talked about paris, and countries, and he said that he loves the way different ideas have to be expressed in completely different ways in different languages. (that's a lot of differents.) and i agreed and said i also love how words in french sometimes mean so much more than their english counterparts. and how in foreign countries, it feels like you have more personal space because you aren't comprehending all the chatter you hear around you.
and he said, wow, that is so interesting, i've never thought of that before.
strike one.
and then we answered a phone.
then we spoke of majors, and i said art history. he said, oh i thought about majoring in that. i love it.
strike two.
then we spoke of books.
he likes eat pray love. (no, he's not gay.)
and then i said i like classics. he said he wants to read the bell jar.
strike three.
and then we answered a phone.
and then small miscellaneous chatter that we could fit in between phone calls before he left.
the reason this changed my life is because i have never met a human being that i could ever fall in love with. and yes, i am being quite dramatic at the moment, but from what i know of this boy, we could fall in love. yes. we could. (too bad he works mornings and i don't and we will probably never meet again, unless fate brings us together.) but the important thing about this is that this chance encounter with this young man has given me hope that there is an intelligent, literate, attractive, artsy, traveling man out there, whom i have much in common with, and who will speak to me and then marry me after that.
thank you for listening.
and now...
instance number two:
tuesday evening. my last young womens. (because of this call center job.)
we had one of those missionary nights, where we go and give one of the discussions to a family in the ward.
i went to my old young womens leader's house to teach the lesson. i taught about the restoration of the gospel. and at the end, i bore my testimony. she and her husband cried, and they told me that i am meant to be a missionary.
i've always wanted to be a missionary, but that was one of those moments that just make me completely sure that its what i am supposed to do once i turn 21. i wish i didn't have to wait. i'm jealous of all the young men who get to leave right away.
all of the sweet missionaries that i met in france also made me feel this way. it seems like the absolute best way to spend 2 years, or 18 months, as it will be in my case. (by the way, one of the missionaries i meant in caen was elizabeth smart. i admire her. she is an incredible woman.)

so, at the end of these small stories, i'm happy to say that
a. i will go on a mission when i turn 21
and, b. after that, perhaps a few years after that, i will meet a young man of afore mentioned qualities and we will wed.

the end.

Friday, April 22, 2011

san chapelle.

this place was the moment.
you know, that moment when you realize that you are somewhere you've been waiting to be.
it had been my favorite cathedral i studied.
but then i walked in.
i looked around me, and stood there in the middle, and just...


i said in my head, thank you. thank you for letting me be in the middle of all this beauty.
and my eyes started to water.
you know, i've talked about it before, the way i feel in front of art. like my feet are planted into the floor.
this was a little bit different. for the first time, i was inside a piece of art. and it got me thinking. about how my wish for life is to feel just like that, at some moment, every day.
for me, my life is a piece of art. and it's not just one painting. it's a collection of color and line and direction and flow, sfumato and chiaroscuro. my life is a museum, actually.
isn't that beautiful?
and there i was at that moment, in a sea of color and light.
i never wanted to leave.

but somehow i did, with the promise of a return hanging in the air.


Monday, April 18, 2011

Well well well. Look what the cat dragged in.

Yes, it's me. I am alive. Surprised, are we?

You see, I've been busy.
Very busy.

However, I will refrain from boring you with the details of my life and, instead, let you know that I've learned a lot over this last little while.

And, in my time away, which I apologize for (I don't know why I'm apologizing, because you've probably not noticed/cared that I've been away for so long, but an apology just seemed... appropriate? I don't know. All bloggers apologize to their "followers" when they don't write, as if they're posts are an absolute life necessity or something, when, in fact, no one really cares about them or the fact that they haven't been around to post. Blog apologies concerning absence of writing are really just a bloggers form of self-validation, so that they feel important, like someone missed them when they were gone. But, of course, no one really did. So, I guess I'm not really sorry, but I feel, as a "blogger," obligated to say so. I hope you remember my original thought now that this parenthetical expression is coming to a close. Feel free to back-track.), I've changed. Not a noticeably large amount, but enough for me to know. And enough for me to miss the past, not understand the present, and be terrified of the future.

No matter, I'm still me, and I'm going to be making a big come back in my life. Just you wait, little tots. Just you wait.

Well, I hope things in the hood have been lovely and that you're all still just as cute as buttons.

I love waffles.
And Puerto Ricans.
Well, my Puerto Rican.



Tuesday, April 12, 2011

love you, miss you.

here i am in france. i thought i'd give an update, because i have time today.
we spent the first day in paris, which is all fine and dandy, but so far i've loved the countryside much better. that might change once we go back to paris on thursday and explore the museums and shop shop shop.
right now we're staying in a 500 year old stone cottage in bayeux, it's beautiful, and cold. it was used as a hospital for the germans in the second world war.
i can sit on the second floor and open the big windows and sit on the sill. and look down at the ducks and le petit chat. it's a lovely moment being up there.
french food is good, but it's hard to live on only bread and cheese. but tonight we got dinner, and it was delicious.
i speak french to everyone i can, and the words feel so beautiful tumbling out of my mouth. merci beaucoup, i love to say,
sometimes i feel on top of the world, and other times i feel so small. this entire place exists, and i've only seen this much of it. the world is huge! and i am such a little girl.
one summer, i would like to live on the french countryside, and ride my bike into town each morning to gather my baguettes and yaourt and eat eat eat. i would need a good buddy to come with me though, sometimes it would be lonely alone.
in paris, there are the most handsome men. everybody there is thin, and stylish. what we call 'indie' is the mainstream fashion there. lots of windbreakers with cinched waists, just like mikelle's that i'm borrowing. and lots and lots of scarves.
i'll tell you more when i have supplementary photos, i suppose.
ah, but sometimes i miss america. i don't know why. and i miss my sweet friends.
i love you all dearly.
au revoir for now,
han banan.

Monday, April 4, 2011

what's new.

i have several points of business. (0. yes those are my feet.)
1. prom was a success. i made him a heart shaped boutonniere out of red felt. it was cute. heartfelt.
2. i am leaving for france on thursday. that's right. france. do you think i'm internally exploding inside? the answer is yes. i am.despite my calm exterior.
3. since i am going to college and kind of need money, i created this small business wherein i design graduation announcements and other such things. if you need an announcement, please check me out. it would help a lot. linky here.
4. to all you pen pals, i finally sent your letters. they should be coming shortly. 
5. i love you.
6. you should really watch character approved on usa. i think you can on usa's website too. it's really the most beautiful thing i've ever seen on television. very inspiring. i may or may not be attempting to copy it with jenoa and shelbie.
7. where's mallory? well, she's far away. but she should be coming back eventually. or so she claims.
8. i have a love/hate relationship with posts like this. love = easy and informative. hate = nobody really cares about what's new in my life. i wish i had the energy to write something you could think about today.
9. okay, here's something good. general conference. best. thing. ever. elder scott? he is the cutest man. i loved his talk.
10. just because i need a ten now. "preach the gospel at all times and when necessary, use words." -st. francis of assisi.