Sunday, January 30, 2011

Hiatus Continued.

It's sad, really, how I follow whatever it is that Hannah does.
I just feel that she really knows what she's doing, and I really just.. don't.
So it seems appropriate for me to follow in her foot steps.

I would like to take this opportunity--now that I'm back into legitimate blogging, and taking a (perhaps permanent) break from this whole 30 day fiasco--to confess.

I will never never ever, never ever, NEVER, never never never never ever never, EVER, never EVER, never never, NEVER EVER be punctual.
It's saddens me, but only slightly.
You see, I've come to terms with self-acceptance (to a degree) and I am alright with it.
I'm never on time. And I'm never fully prepared.
I'm not really reliable. And I'm sort of careless.
But that makes me... Me.

I yam what I yam.

But I will admit,
in my very small amount of experience,
it feels great to be on time to things.

Also, Kanye has really upped his artistic factor:

And, if you find yourself with a half hour to spare, you should go here.
But, if you hate Kanye (which I understand, it seems I'm the only one that likes him these days), I won't be offended.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

hiatus from thirty days.

i want to live in the casa mila...

i've gotten kind of tired of the thirty days thing...
which makes me suppose that you are kind of tired of it too.
i'm sitting here at the yearbook room (still) and bored out of my mind. yes. and there are two fantastic pictures of kelsey and i that the server won't let me upload onto here. (the SERVERRRRR. part computer, part deity.)
florence & the machine. keepin' us company.
do you like the new design of the blog? because i do. i love making blog headers. way more than is healthy.
anyway, today, for AP Language, we went on a field trip to the sundance film festival.
we watched a movie about coal mining in west virginia. which was very good. and enlightening. it's called the last mountain. it would be good for you to see. after that we went to one of the homeless shelters in salt lake city and took a tour and heard from a few people who live/work there. some people do so much good. it's incredible.
i'm so grateful that a have a nice warm home. i wish i could type something right now that would do it justice, but i'm so beat i can't even focus on anything.
right now dan brad is keeping us here. what a loser. (kidding. i sincerely love him.) kelsey & s.s. are really hyper and looking up photos of our astro signs. we might go run down the hall and take pictures.
oh.. my life. MY LIFE I TELL YOU.
yes, i used caps.
we just choreographed a dance to miley cyrus' i can't be tamed.
rock bottom.

see ya...


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

IX: Believe

Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte
By George Seurat

I believe that happiness is a choice.

I believe in karma.

I believe that people are really, truly good at heart.

I believe showering to be over-rated and teeth-brushing to be under-rated.

I believe that there is so much more to everything than what the eye can see.

I believe in meditation.

I believe in miracles.

I believe that everything is art.

I believe in a higher power.

I believe that every body is beautiful.

I believe in self-love.

I believe in the chain-reaction.

I believe that everybody deserves a chance.

I believe in human nature.

I believe that there is a cure.

I believe in independence. 

I believe in moving on.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

day 9: your beliefs.

i've covered this before.
but it can't hurt to elaborate even more.
i believe in smiles.
i believe in beauty.
i believe in friendship.
i believe in shiny fingernails.
i believe that pretty pastries can cure unfortunate moods.
i believe that our precious time should be spent where it will do the most good.
i believe that each of us will be taken care of, but that we're here to learn some important lessons along the way.
i believe in friendliness and uncensored compliments. even if they seem creepy.
i believe in following my heart.
i believe in reading. real paper books.
i believe in wishes and wish jars.
i believe in collecting fortune cookies.
i believe in education.
and i still believe in me.


Monday, January 24, 2011

Day eight: A moment.

We spent six months as "acquaintances," a year as "pals," a summer as "Best Friends," and the last 4 months as "strangers."

He opened the most important envelope he ever will,
and then he went away.

In our last five minutes together, I was kneeling at his feet and tying his shoes.
The sound of his voice flooded my ears and I prolonged the tying process, for I feared that resurfacing to his face would bring me to tears.

As far as I knew, this would be the last time I'd see him ever.

I composed myself, and stood upright.
He kissed me in a way that I can't describe.
It seemed like a "goodbye forever" sort of kiss, but the ending was left open.

We exchanged our loving words, and I went away.

I left him there.

It felt good to finally be the one leaving
and not the one being left.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

day 8: a moment.

it was october, the happiest of the months, and it was raining. i walked to my car savoring the sprinkles. as i began to drive away, the drops began plopping fatter and fatter on my windshield. kt tunstall's under the weather came on shuffle on my ipod.
i drove down the street, music blaring, windows rolled down, palms out, catching raindrops.
and i sang. and i smiled. and the trees looked beautiful and everything was colorful and alive.
especially me.


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 7: Your Best [Fly].

and that's about it.

[Edit:] I love it when Hanny posts such cute pictures of me..

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

06. My day.

January 19th, 2011...
What a lovely day.

Here are the highlights:

-Walked to first period with S. Clarke (he's such a nice boy).
-Fell in love with my english teacher, just as I do every A1 class period.
-Learned a lot about proper manners in restaraunts in my new foods class.
-Spent the first 10 minutes of 3rd period purchasing a pop-tart.
-Realized the love I have in my heart for M. Line.
-Looked at the clock and realized my best friend, Elder J. Walker, was entering the MTC at that moment, and I reminisced in my own mind for a few minutes.
-Realized M. Pyne and J. Hall were in my life for a reason, and I couldn't live without either of them.
-Had a productive Drama Council meeting.
-Talked to Hannah briefly about particularly annoying people.
-Received a script for my upcoming show.
-Came home to find a "For Sale" sign in the front yard.
-Ate before my work shift with my manager and best pal, T. Jensen, whom I love so much.
-Worked, and when I say "worked," I mean talked about boys, books, love, religion, and told stories with B. Bromley.
-Packed for my theater trip to St. Geezy this weekend.*
-Blogged about a dumb, yet, so vital-to-my-entirety, day.

*For this little trip I'm beginning tomorrow, I'll be auditioning for something that is difficult to explain.
But I'll be singing this little number:

"I'm beautiful. Yes, I'm beautiful. And I'm here."
S.J. Shill? That one's for you. I love you.

See you on the flip side, kids.
Stay in school. I mean it.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

day 6: my day.

 me & my guerilla gardeners. posted for lack of new pictures 
& in an attempt to make this somewhat entertaining.

6:00 AM: alarm goes off, in the form of ingrid michaelson. i shake my fist. i turn back over and sleep.
6:33 AM: awake again. shake my fist. listen to ingrid sing the way i am.
6:37 AM: i drag myself out of bed.
7:26 AM: i jump in my car and drive to school, listening to pleasant grove high school's radio station because it's the only decent one out there.
7:50 AM: mikelle french braids my hair. in french class.
9:16 AM: i walk into my new government and citizenship class at the beginning of this new semester. am surprised to see jessica, ali, jessica 2, and kyle. sit by them.
10:00 AM: make a new friend in said class named kayla. she doesn't read and she got a queen sized bed for christmas.
10:46 AM: make my entrance in foods 3. i am nearly cheated out of the seat that park-a-lark saved for me. but i succeed in getting it anyway. sit by graham, parker, and jake. "can it get better?" i think. actually probably. but they are good enough.
11:30 AM: my short thumbs become the foods class' show & tell.
12:30 PM: talk to nat in the lunchroom. our spot at the table was stolen by the pasketts. yes, we've hit rock bottom.
12:47 PM: ask jackson to sadies.
me: hello jackson, you look like an angel today.
jackson: why thank you hannah. (offers me a fry. i decline.)
me: jackson, have you been asked to sadies yet?
jackson: no.
me: well then i have a serious question for you. (he starts to smile while simultaneously eating a fry. it is humorous.) will you go to sadies with me?
jackson: yes hannah. is it formal?
me: no. t-shirts, dude.
jackson: then yes. yes i would love to go to sadies with you.
me: wonderful. see you later. (and then i depart. feel good about how easy that was.)
1:00 PM: take pictures of people for yearbook divider. my most favorite part. although all i do is sit and laugh at jacob.
1:39 PM: ryan from santa monica pizza calls me. he wants to interview me for a job at 3:45. okay, i say. see you later.
2:31 PM: meander into my seminary council meeting.
2:41 PM: drive home whilst listening to local native's cubist dream.
3:40 PM: arrive at santa monica for job interview. hope to be interviewed by tall, attractive-in-an-athletic-way man, instead am interviewed by smallish-mexican man.
3:47 PM: am offered a job. handed a t-shirt. and told to come in tomorrow to start working. yes, i'll be a waitress. yes, you should come in and see me. it's the one by smith's marketplace.
4:16 PM: i sit here blogging my day up til this point. i listen to young the giant. wonder if this is already too long. because i'm sure more exciting things will come my way today.
8:17 PM: after a lovely young womens, i prepare to go to cami's and watch the season premier of white collar. i also prepare to post this post. i also wonder if anybody will actually read the entire thing.

hm. what a productive day.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 5: What is love?

I've said it once, and I'll say it a million times.

Love is feeling free. When I say free, I mean being absolutely content with the exact person that you are. When someone allows you to be comfortable with yourself entirely. You don't have to change or even try.
You can simply be you, and that's enough.

That's love to me.

And, of course, my favorite:

It will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you.
It will set you free."
-Mumford & Sons
"Sigh No More."


Sunday, January 16, 2011

day 5: love.

real love.
it's when you think of somebody and your heart feels big.
when you try to picture them in your mind but you can't see their image, only their shape and their soul.
it's when you'd rather have them be happy than keep them with you always.
it's when they can drive you absolutely crazy but you still want to give them a hug.

as madame says. amitiƩ est plus important d'amour.

friendship is what keeps people together.

LOVE, hannah.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

day 4: what we ate today.

somehow, i get the feeling that no one cares what we ate today.
somehow, i get the feeling that you would be disappointed in me (han) if i told you, anyway.

so i'm attempting to make this interesting.

this is what mallory & i look like at lunchtime.

Oh, aren't we just the cutest things you ever saw?!

and these are our culinary tastes:

-vietnamese pho.
-fish taco tuesdays.
-zupas honey bacon club & cauliflower soup.
-kraft singles & their perfect grilled cheeses.
-cranberry juice.
-lindt truffles.
-cauliflower and carrots.
-pastries of all kinds.
-hot cocoa.
-chikin-in-a-biskits. did you know they're made with real dehydrated chicken? yeah. pretty nasty. but addicting.
-greek potatoes.

Grilled cheese sandwiches of all kinds.-
Swedish Fish (THEY'RE ALL RED!) -
Daddy's mashed potatoes and potato salad.-
Thai food.-
Tuckeroo's "Aubrey" dip.-
Mamaw's biscuit's and gravy.-
Dark chocolate.-
Ramen Noodles.-
Daddy's lasagna.-
Diet Coke (Mama's got me addicted).-

Here's a little bit of crazy for your taste-buds:
Hannah introduced me to this. In fact, her introduction of this to me was the beginning of our friendship, I think.
PB&J sandwich on classic white bread with Barbeque chips in the middle.
Seriously. Fantastic. Try it. Dare ya.

Love, Flies.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 3: Parents

Oh, will you just look at these cute people!

Note: I love this photo so much. They look so happy. I mean, truly happy.
Happy to be together. Happy to be my parents. Happy to just be.

Those are my little sweeties of parents.
I like them a whole bunch.

There on the right is Daddy.
Tearon Roger.
He calls me Peewee or Red.
He's a good man. He works real hard. He's brilliantly smart.
We have the greatest relationship, and I always know I have his full attention. He listens when I'm talking, and he never gets mad when I tell him things.
We have a lovely little trust, and we can have entire conversations with our eyes.
He makes me laugh. Cackle, actually. The man is a comic genius.
He has a great heart full of good intent. I hope that I never lose him.
He is and always will be the best man in my life.
We go on lots of Daddy/Peewee dates, and we like to go out to nice food places and talk about trivia and music and politics and love and men and clothes and the future and the past.
Secretly, I like to hang out with him more than most of my friends...

On the left is Mama.
Angela Denise.
Mama calls me Mal or Best Friend.
We're the same human. It's mildly creepy.
She's the only person that can make me weepy because she is me.
I view her with great respect.
That is me in a few short years, except I'm not as beautiful.
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll be able to maintain such youth.
I don't think I could count the number of times I've heard, "How old's your sister?" or "Whoa.. I totally thought you guys were sisters.." or "DAMN! Can I have your sister's number?!"
I've literally heard all of these multiple times...
I tell her everything, and she laughs at how crazy it is that she was the very same as I in her high schoolin' days.
Mama and I like to laugh. We like to have sleepovers. We like to party.
We're best friends. We save each other.
We match, Mama and I.

No matter how things turn out,
I wish them both nothing but the best.
Because they deserve it.

They're the cutest cuties around town.
I love 'em...

(aka Peewee)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

day 3: my parents.

i'm grateful for what i learned by living with a single mother. and i'm proud of what i've conquered. i think that i've learned a lot of necessary truths in needed to in order to be a good wife and parent myself, in the future. i can't imagine it any other way, now.
mom is an artist. she paints murals on people's walls. and pediatrician's offices. she is funny. i like to talk to her about lots of things. all things. we often go to dinner at blue lemon. she bought me the hugest bag of lindt truffles i've ever seen for christmas. she likes quiet music. she went to the ingrid michaelson concert with me last year. she is very very beautiful. and teaches me lots of important lessons. and i look up to her so much. she is my best friend.
dad likes politics. and economics. and fills his head with all sorts of knowledge. sometimes i see him on the news or hear him on the radio, and it's a weird feeling. he likes to fish. and other outdoor things. he thinks he can sing. he lets me buy an album off itunes every month with his credit card. i appreciate that. he lives on top of a mountain. and it has quite a splendid view at night, when the lights twinkle. he bought me my car, which i smashed up in an accident yesterday... (yes, boo. worst thing ever.)

i love them both.

love, hannah

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 2: The first love.

It was my first day in my new class, and I was terrified.
Moving at such a vital age in the middle of a school year isn't easy for anyone.
My mother dropped me off early, and I was the first one in the room, talking to my teacher, finding my seat.
The bell rang, and I frightfully anticipated the other students' arrivals. They all knew each other, and I didn't know a single one of them.
They all walked in, and took their seats. The boy with black hair sat down across from me, and gave me a cheeser smile.
"HEY! You're my neighbor!" I gave him a closer look, and realized that he was, indeed, my neighbor. I had seen him on his front lawn the day before.
I was unsure as to how I should react to his startling comment, so I gave him the face that meant, "Duh. You idiot." And then, I think I said, "Duh. You idiot."
I was a very rude and blunt child... You can expect nothing else from us Southern Bells.
As everyone was getting settled, my teacher pulled me to the front of the class, and had me introduce myself.
I stood at the front of the room, trying to maintain my composure as 40 little fourth-grade eyes blankly stared at me.
In the middle of my introduction speech, he yelled out, "Why does she talk so funny?!"
Aside from myself, everyone was laughing. Even the teacher.
My southern accent was shorly thereafter diminished.
And that's when it began.
It was war.
And, to tell you the truth, it still is.
And it always will be.
Because that's who we are.

He holds me when I'm sad.
He holds me when I'm happy.
He comes over at 4 in the morning to squish spiders on my wall.
We go for months without speaking, but we always seem to pick right back up where it is we left off.
He's my very best friend in the entire world, and I couldn't even tell you why.
Perhaps it's because we'll always be those 9 year old kids that we were when we met.
We hold hands for no reason, and talk for hours about pointless things.
I call him to hear his voice when it's been a while.

I'm not in love with him. But he's surely the first boy I ever loved.
I mean really loved. Like, I'd give my life for his happiness.
I loved him at 9 years old. That was half-my-life-ago. And he's still here.
Don't you think that's a sign?

He's always preoccupied with other girls, and I'm preoccupied with other boys.
And that's the way things are.
But my mother is convinced that I'll marry the man. And, between you and I, I'm convinced she's right.

He's two doors down, but sometimes it seems like a million miles away.
No matter the distance, I will love him forever.

We almost kissed once. A few years ago.
Our noses were touching, and the moment was perfect.
And then I chickened.

He was my first almost-kiss.
But, I like to think that he will be my last real one.

I drew you some pictures of us:

^Us, age 9.

^Us, now.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

day 2: my first love.

 just some attractive men for visual aid. 
pretend my first love looks like mat bomer. 
he's a good first love. (joseph will be the last love.)

when i was in eighth grade, boys liked me. (oh, the glory days.)
one day i was walking through the commons area with mikelle, i think.
and a tall blonde boy ran up to me. and he floofed my hair. and said, in a ridiculous accent, "your hair! it is so bouncy!"
i started to sit by him on the bus. and we talked. about purple vans. and children in africa. and zoolander.
we became very good friends. and i spent many days running barefoot through his backyard, or sitting in his loft, or playing ping pong in his basement, or walking back and forth from our houses. i walked on the curb and he walked beside me. once he let me wear his jacket. we liked each other.
i wasn't in love with him. by any means. but he was the first male of my age that i loved. as a friend. really loved.
he asked me how i was everyday, and i could hear in his voice that he cared what my response would be.
after him, i realized that i could be unconditionally happy. i realized that if you care about people, it will show. and i realized that i could help people.
i don't know him anymore. i don't know who he is now. i saw him once. two summers ago. he helped me pull a wagon. that was the last time.
but i still look at his yellow house whenever i drive by.
and i am grateful for him.
to you, wherever you are.
you changed who i am.
i hope that you are still wonderful.
i hope that you are still happy.
i hope you still make girls smile.
you're a special one.

from, hannah banana fee fi fo fannah, hannah.

p.s. i'm glad mallory is joining me in this. it will be great. great i tell you.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Bandwagon II

Mostly, I'm doing this because Hannah is.
I considered allowing her to be the only writer for 30 days, and not writing.
But I just really wanted to join the 30 day bandwagon, no matter how "not indie" it is (I only expect Hanny to understand that one).

Day One: Introduce yourself with pictures and words.

Hello. My name is Mallory Elizabeth.
Here's some pitchas:

I'm red headed. A lot red headed. There is a lot of red hair on my head. And it's very red.
I have a lovely little obsession with The Beatles.
And Radiohead is my dearest pal.
I like giraffes a lot. As well as camels. I can't decide which of the two is my favorite animal.
I love the rain. I hope I get married on an overcast, rainy day. That'd be most ideal.
If I could have any man I wanted, it would be a toss up between Johnny Depp and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
If I could have any dead man I wanted to come back to life and be mine, it's obviously be James Dean.
Or maybe John Lennon...  Well now I'm torn... 
I like singin'. It's fun
I promise that my first son will be named Jude.
I love educational books. As well as classic novels.
I think that I intimidate a lot of people, which makes me sad. I'm harmless.
I could probably rip someone's face off if I were angry enough and really wanted to, but I don't want to. Therefore, I'm harmless. So I don't really know why people are so scared of me...
I love hearing, "When we first met, I was way scared of you. But now I'm not!"
I sometimes make myself up to be a lot of things I'm not. I wish I were a lot of things I'm not. For instance, when I say, "I'm really reliable," don't believe one bit of it.
One of these days I'll get the hang of "true self-acceptance."
I like to go dancing.
I'm a secret partier. Well I suppose that's no longer a secret.
I once was given the advice, "Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth." So that's what I'm doing.
I'm bored of talking about myself now, so regarding all other aspects of me, I got it from my mama.


I'm terribly sorry. I'm in the oddest of moods right now. I'll probably read this tomorrow and be mildly humiliated, but whatever. Just keep looking forward to Hannah's posts since they're substantial and stuff..

So... Since Han and I are both doing this, it'll be more like 60 days... That's a lot of days. So maybs we'll conjoin some posts or sunthin'... Yeah. That's probs what we'll do.
K. Happy Monday.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


so, i've been suffering from writer's block lately.
so i've decided to jump on the 30 days bandwagon.
which will take me a lot longer than 30 days.
but you know,
i'm kind of excited. because these thirty things are important. they define me. and i don't think about them enough. so i think making myself blog about them will make them more tangible and give me the opportunity to think through these things that are the very essence of me.
day one: introduce yourself through pictures and words.

i think you all know me pretty well if you read on a regular basis. and if you've read the about hannah tab.
but, just for fun:
my name is hannah alexandra. i was born in california. i now live in utah. i am young for my grade, which is fine except it caused problems when waiting to turn sixteen. couldn't drive, couldn't date. boo.
in fourth grade on my birthday, my mom left a balloon for me in my classroom. i was turning 9 but the rest of my class was turning 10 that year. they asked me how old i was turning, and i said 10 because i didn't want to be left out.
i like to smile and get to know new people. i have been incredibly blessed with the friends that i have. they mean the world to me.
i love my family. although they're complicated. my kid brother cracks me up everyday. i told him my friend parker was astroboy, and ever since he's been telling me stories about him and parker flying around the world and killing guys who are mean to their sisters with their (mckay & parker's) gun powers.
i love to travel and have been lucky in that area. i've been to a lot of beautiful places around the country. seattle has been one of my most recent favorites. but so has montreal... and so has boston... and conneticut..
i'm indecisive.
i am learning french and enjoy it very much. i like to read. i'm a little obsessed with music and am always listening, even if it's just in my head. acoustic music is home to me. i appreciate everything, but that kind of music always makes me feel the most calm and understood.
art history is my passion. i read art history books in my bed at night and all the things on the list of "my interests" on facebook are artists, except for james dean and joseph gordon-levitt. i must visit the art museum everywhere i go. i dream of being a curator at one. i tend to annoy my friends with my small facts about art.
i am a mormon and my faith is my strength. i know that the gospel is true.
and that's me.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Today is your day.

When I turned 8 years old, I felt like a giant. I was the biggest part of my world, and seemingly the biggest part of everyone else's, too.
Here I am, ten years later, heading on 18, and I've never felt so small.

2010 was a really long year. I look at it in review, and although it felt no longer than a blink of the eye, it was full of so many things. Many smiles. Many trips. Many bonding moments. Many breaths. Many blog posts. Many sleepless nights. Many moments of sadness. Many men. Many goodbyes.
I've grown.
I'm new.
And, in a year, I want to be newer.

I want this to be the best year yet.
Will you please just do me a favor? A couple of favors, actually.
Because this is your year. And your day.

Here's what I'd like you to do every single day in 2011:
  • Make a new friend. And try to keep that friend for as long as you can. You never know who's going to change your life.
  • Learn something new about the world. It's so undiscovered. Discover it, and be a part of it.
  • Learn something new about yourself. You are undiscovered. As well as you may think you "know yourself," there are always new things to learn. Try new things. Ask yourself "Why not?" before saying "No" to an opportunity.
  • Thank someone for all they do for you. Whether it be in person or in a letter; a few words or an entire conversation, let someone know that they mean something to you. You just might be saving a life.
  • Find God's hand in your life. He's there. In everything. Find Him.
  • Quote The Beatles. Just once a day. Quote the Fab Four. I promise you that those men can teach you nearly everything you might ever need to know through their wonderful gift of song


Make every day the best day of your life.

You are loved.

Monday, January 3, 2011

four seasons of 2010: what you missed & what i learned from it.

even though i'd like to, i haven't been able to blog about every great thing that i have come across during the last year. i thought that maybe i'd jump on the bandwagon and share with you favorite 2010 moments, even though you don't care. i'll admit, it's a little narcissistic. (isn't blogging, anyway?). but, they are ones you haven't seen yet, and you seem to be entertained by reading about my life. or you could just be stalkers. in either case you'll benefit, right?
just to make sure, i'll share the lessons i learned from each experience.
this year i:

-had truly legendary times with the sisterhood. lesson: friends are everywhere. and it's possible to be close with somebody & have their back, even if you don't spend every waking minute together.
-read magical books on the forbidden couch with quinci. lesson: forbidden things are a lot more fun.
-had a photoshoot for the blog with mal. there's so many photos of us you haven't seen... lesson: mallory & i are best flies. and our contrasting personalities do this blog well.
-went to sadies with a boy named conner. painted sweet shirts. had fun. lesson: awkwardness can easily be laughed off.
-made friends with a boy named jackson. lesson: silence is comfortable if you let it. be yourself and be genuine.
-spoons. 'nuf said. lesson: don't bring them up with whitney.

-went to seattle with my pop. it became my favorite city. lesson: i belong there.
-went to montreal all by myself and stayed with second cousins i'd never met before. i felt quite grown up navigating airports all alone. stood for a photo in front of marie reine du monde. lesson: i can be a grown up when i need to be.
-collected more art postcards from various museums. lesson: yes, i love art more than any worldly thing.
-was awesome at writing many friends many letters. lesson: i am in charge of whether i stay in touch with people or not. it's simply up to me to make the effort.
-went to sliding rock with ari & others. lesson: friends are still awesome. wear shoes when going hiking.
-got a CAR. an acura cl. yes. good times. lesson: i can conquer scary things. (i was terrified of driving before this.)

-hosted my second annual birthday tea party. lesson: happiness and classy girlfriends go hand in hand.
-learned how to use the film camera to a fuller extent. lesson: i am capable of creating beautiful things. also, my little bro is the cutest and most photogenic kid that ever lived. also, i think i'll know when the right guy comes along when i love him equally as much as the kid brother.
-went to narnia in salt lake city. during mine, shelbie, whitney, and jenoa's perfectly lonely party. lesson: i don't need a man to take me to homecoming (or anywhere). i'm perfectly lonely, and that's the way that's the way that's the way that i want it.
-went to the JOHN MAYER concert. lesson: be perfectly lonely. and live music has a fulfilling quality that i can't find anywhere else.
-made this little artsy place setting for foods class. ha. lesson: a simple place setting consists of a plate in the center, knife to the right, fork to the left, cup to the northeast, and napkin next to that fork.
-still had class and shelbie still had swag. lesson: i love shelbie and always will. aw, mushy girl moment.

-went to preference with steven. but you already know that. lesson: life is fun. and steve is wonderful.
-became good friends with two cool boys named cole and jake. and together, plus me and whitney, we started a book club called the guerilla gardeners. lesson: it is fun to get to know new people. and worth the preliminary awkward moments.
-decorated a christmas tree. lesson: i better take those sparkly and neon colored ornaments with me wherever i go in life.
-was super indie with mallory. lesson: making fun of indie is just as dumb as trying to be indie.
-celebrated christmas in july with jess and whit. okay, so this was in the summer.. but it fit better here. lesson: staying up all night and attacking trucks of boys you love to pretend to hate is pretty entertaining. although juvenile. but i'm completely okay with acting juvenile.
-became teammates with laura. lesson: there is someone out there who understands everything and will not judge you.

and that my friends, is what i call a very good year.

lessons learned? yes.
will they be applied? i will try my darn hardest.

what did you learn this year?

love, hannah.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

my big green book & new little blue one.

so i have this journal. writing book as i like to call it. i've kept one since miss westover, my tenth grade honors english teacher, started us writing them. the big green one, which these pages are from, was my third. i filled up the last three pages on new year's eve. and i started a new little blue writing book today. perfect timing, if i do say so myself. 
i feel that i am the most honest in my writing book. because all i am writing to is a void. there are no imaginary blog readers or friends or family or random schoolmates reading my thoughts. and so i'd like to share with you my parting wishes to my big green book.

the last day of 2010. wow. i remember new year's 2000--at home in california with the krauses.
i'm wearing red polka dot tights. jelly shoes. and a bright blue dress from DI. waiting to go to shelbie's party. i hope it's a blast!
it's crazy how fast a year goes by. this school year is already halfway over...
and then everything changes.
college. moving out. mom will probably get married... i'll no longer have my beautiful room. the boys will leave on their missions. girls i know will start getting married. 
this is scary.
this book has seen all the healing. the next book will see all the progress.
i think next year will be rewarding, though.
i feel sentimental about ending this book. it's my 3rd one already! i'm so happy mrs. westover had us start them in tenth grade. if not, i'd probably never write and forget all the important things i've experienced on this journey through high school.
it's been a crazy one. lots of unexpected. but i've learned to adjust, and i think i'll do well with whatever the future brings me. i won't be afraid to lose anything. i've already lost a lot and i've survived without it.
mostly i just have things to gain. friendships. knowledge. experience. confidence. dare i say it, love.
i don't know why i feel the need to say goodbye. 
goodbye, to this chapter in my book.
goodbye to pain and distrust.
goodbye to fear.
goodbye to the safety zone.
hello, happiness. hello, love. hello, adventure.
hello, 2011.

love, hannah alexandra.