Wednesday, September 29, 2010

magic details.


photo by hannah.

if you want to feel alive,
then learn to love your ground.

mumford & sons

why i love my ground:
the flowers.
 patterns the water droplets create.
the sound of other's smiles.
gold flecks in people's eyes.
art i feel, but don't understand. 
the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh.
how eating vegetables makes me feel.
pointless stories.
wish jars. 
blown-out candles.
learning to tolerate the static.
shy smiles from across a room.
the last of the sunflowers.
cardstock paper.
when i find that my sticky notes have been  
moved by someone to a more apparent place.
van gogh, mary cassat, and matisse coloring books.
shelbie's grandmother's green clip on earrings.
looking in the mirror and realizing i'm me.
lyrics that resonate.
rolling down my window and listening to my tires go over gravel or puddles.
when jack says my name, and i say what, and then he doesn't say anything.
7 page texts from laura.
when my mom cracks me up.
developed film.

why do you love your ground?


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Once, I was very young.

And, when I was young, I had this image of myself all grown up.

Did you ever have that? Where you pictured the way you would look when you grew up?

When I was young, I imagined a tall girl, at least 5'10". She was very thin. She had red hair that was perfectly straight that went down to her waist. She had a thin nose, and flawless skin. She had perfect teeth.
For some reason, I always imagined her hair in a perfect pony-tail, wearing a blue jacket. And I had this still image of her in my mind, and she was at a party, dancing amongst faceless friends of hers, she being the center of attention.

I don't know why, but this is what I always imagined myself to look like.
Between the ages of 4 and 13, I couldn't wait to be in high school, because I would suddenly become this beautiful girl I had always imagined.
I'm in my last year of high school, and I'm still waiting to turn into this perfect girl I have in my mind.
And I'll be waiting forever.

It was only today that I realized I would never be her.
In fact, I had forgotten entirely about her.
But something sparked my memory.
And I began to wonder why it is that I set myself up for failure when I imagined this flawless person.

I guess it helped me learn that I have got to stop it with the expectations.
Because I'm only going to fail myself. And that's no good for ones happiness.

I would just like to say that I'm okay with not being this girl. Because I like the girl that I am:
5'7". Medium length, wild red hair. Awkward knees. Crooked ears.
That's the girl I actually am. And I like her. Because she's human.
She's not some made-up, super-being who is perfect in every way. In fact, she's not even close.
And I like her for that reason.

I'm learning to love myself.
I've never gone out of my way to love myself, really. So it's been sort of fun to look at my imperfections, you know, the things I have always hated about myself, and make them beautiful in my own eyes.

I have a man in my life. Sometimes I call him "father."
And he once said to me, "You deserve to be loved. Especially by yourself."

I would like to dispense this advice to every human being on the earth.

Because, if you deserve anything, it is love from yourself.

By: Mallory

Thursday, September 23, 2010

obnoxiously-early-asker, that's me.

one time i asked a boy to preference.

and he said,

it's not a problem that preference is a month and a half away.

nope, not at all.


Sunday, September 19, 2010

connect and reconnect. (a sunday smile four).

my little shelbie.
she is actually standing inside the window of the school. 
although it looks awesomely like she's in a polaroid.


our little mallory makes us tortilla chips somtimes.
it's brilliant.

morgan at the craft fair.

THE pizza. the vegan dough stuffed with cheese sticks, 
topped with tomatoes, mushrooms and zucchini pizza.

this weekend has been beautiful. nay, this week has been beautiful.
from monday, when that boy i have a friend-crush on told me he liked my sweater,
to taco tuesday with kels and shelbie.
from wednesday, with the surprise pizza lunch with the absolute best people i'm privledged to know,
to thursday, when i became an accomplice.
from friday, with mallory's homemade tortilla chips, a chocolate fountain, and two surprise parties,
to saturday, choc full of girlfriends and good food.
and the beautiful week ended with a beautiful church meeting, where i was privileged enough to speak, along with a wonderful leaving missionary. a boy who i've looked up to since day one. 
i smiled so much more this week than i think i have in previous ones. 
oh, but it was not a perfect week. there was definitely small annoyances. wet feet. shyness. the cluelessness of a best friend.
despite this, it was inexplicably wonderful. how? i'm convinced it was because of the people.
i solidified new friendships this week. i also reconnected with old friends. i conversed with new people. i listened as people spoke. and i spoke in front of people. 
and i think mostly, i felt loved. a part of something.

there is a turning point in a friendship when a friend changes from someone who simply sympathizes with your excess of math homework and lack of sleep, to someone who says, "it should have been on six six six oh six at six!"
when they change from the girl who asks if you have a chip to spare to the girl who makes you double over in laughter.
when the boy who said annoying things behind your back in sophomore english turns into the boy you're able to sing teenage dream with at the top of your lungs.

and there's also those moments in life, when you realize just why you're friends with someone.
when cooking with one of your oldest friends reminds you of when you two used to cook dinner for your families in the sixth grade. 
when you realize your fake arguments with your best friend are the reason you love her.
when you see the boy you've always admired for his unicycle skills prepare to spend two years in japan.

when does the transition between acquaintance and best friend happen?
at the moment an inside joke is born?
the moment you share something only a friend would know?
the moment you wait for them to catch up to you in the halls?

why does it take so long to really get it? to understand the greatness of each and every person you know?

it shouldn't take so long. so today i issue you a challenge. a two-part challenge. to connect, and to reconnect. this is open to interpretation.
you can choose to make the transition between acquaintance and friendship. or you can choose to meet someone new.
you can choose to spend time with an old friend. or simply think of why you love them.
but the most important thing is to recognize the wonderful network of people you're a part of. there is a complicated web of relationships in this world. and i think that each and every person that you know personally can teach you a lesson.
look for the lesson, and the opportunity. it's there.

by: hannah

Saturday, September 18, 2010

For the love.

So. It's been a while, has it not?

And for that, I am tremendously sorry.
I've been busy.
And when I say busy, what I really mean is taking a break from technology and enjoying my last summer days before Autumn makes it's appearance for the year 2010.

Oh, Autumn. I love Autumn. You know, I truly love all seasons.
It's interesting.
The seasons, I mean.
Why is it that seasons change?

Well, that's a silly question. The seasons are ever-changing because not one of them could handle our world all the time. So they take turns. They have a system all figured out.

And such is life.

It's hard to pick a favorite season, for they are all so wonderful in their own beautiful way.
So I've decided that my favorite season is whatever season is presently at hand.

It makes it easier to enjoy life if you're always in favor of the season at hand.

Anyway, enough about the seasons.

I have a story to tell you. I hope you enjoy it.

The other day, I was at work. I do love my work place. I find much joy in all aspects of it.
Anyway, I was working, and a young couple approached the front counter. The woman had evidence of sleeplessness on her face. She was lovely, one of those rare women who can portray beauty through exhaustion. Her husband was eager looking. He had a large smile on his face, and was walking in front of his wife, despite the fact they were hand in hand. I began with my typical greeting: "Hello. Welcome to Cafe Zupas! Can I get you any salads or sandwiches today?" The man quickly told me what it was that he wanted, and asked his wife what she wanted. He said, "Darling, you can get whatever you want." She told me what it was that she wanted, and I began making salads for the both of them. I thought they had moved down the line to order soups, when I heard a whisper from the man. "Would you like to know something?" I looked up, unsure if he was talking to me. He was looking at me, the eager smile still on his face. "Tell me." I said, smiling. "My wife is pregnant with twin boys." I congratulated him excitedly. He looked at his wife who had moved down the line and smiled. "We just found out. We were just at the doctor. We haven't even told anybody yet." I continued to be excited for him.
Can you believe that I was the first person to find out about this fact that has changed the lives of this lovely couple forever?
This man clearly couldn't hold in his excitement. His wife had clearly been thinking about the stress that would be filling her life for years to come. But her husband was the happiest Daddy-To-Be I had ever seen.
I hope my hubs is a happy Daddy-To-Be. Even when I'm the most exhausted lady on the earth.

Isn't that lovely for them? Twin boys? I was so excited for them.
It made me want children.
I hate it when I experience baby blues... It's simply awkward. I'm only 17..

Well, that's my story.

Anyway. I've made a recent connection that my senior year of high school is nearly 1/8 of the way over.
This fact has me depressed. But it's also made me decide to live every moment of this upcoming year to the fullest.
I've also started to think about college...
Isn't it crazy how quickly your life flies? I have no idea how I got to this age.

You know how everybody goes through the "Awkward phase?" It is generally between the ages of 8 and 13 that this phase occurs.
In this awkward phase, the child is ever so awkward looking, no matter how attractive they may think they are. And everything about them is just awkward.
I've been looking at my elementary school pictures lately, and I've realized that my awkward phase lasted an extremely long time.. Perhaps it's still happening. That's quite possible.
I have two younger brothers both sitting on the awkward train ride through the awkward phase. And I love every moment of it. It's truly hilarious. I have sympathy for them.
I was a very awkward child.

This is a post of things I've been thinking about lately.
It's probably horrible, but I wouldn't like to know. So I'm just going to post it without my regular proof-read.

I have a general love for the human race.
It's beautiful.

By: Mallory

Monday, September 13, 2010

train of thoughts.

if you know any places i can find these clothing items, tell me.
i desperately want them. or just buy them for me. since my birthday's soon.
in other news,

mallory needs to blog.
in other news,

thanks to the person who stuck a yellow sticky note on the seminary mirror that said, 'you are special.' it made my day.

do you have any ideas for a sunday smile?
i didn't post one this week. cause i suck. if you have good ideas, let me know.

there is this frozen yogurt joint slash night club called pink berry (i think) in salt lake city. 
'tis the best thing i've ever experienced. 
if you love frozen yogurt, loud music, people watching, and hot german men with scruff, definitely go there.
it's so much better than homecoming. i promise you.

 today's playlist:
tinfoil hats--rocky votolato
flicks--frou frou
serpentine--chris bathgate
concrete heart--great lake swimmers
someday the waves--iron & wine
duet for guitars--m. ward

sometimes i have crushes on forbidden men.
except, have you seen paper hearts?
it's a brilliant movie. until you find out its a mockumentary. the point is, no one is forbidden unless they are married.
men with girlfriends are fair game.
okay. i don't really believe that. but i still have a crush on forbidden man.
let me leave you with this:

"if you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, act lovingly; if you believe every which way then act every which way, that's perfectly valid- but don't go trying to sell your beliefs to the system. you end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. if you want to change the world, change yourself."

love, hannah.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

one year ago. (a sunday smile three).

one year ago, i found out that my parents were getting divorced.
one year ago was when everything started changing.
it was hard. really hard. but i digress. the gritty details of my junior year are not important.
what i want to talk about is how amazing my friends were at that time.
one year ago, the sbo's passed out ballots for the homecoming royalty during my drawing class.
i scanned the names to see who was on there.
and guess what i saw?
my name.
right under the title of 'nominees for homecoming princess'.
needless to say i was shocked. and flattered.
these friends of mine had apparently all written my name in on nominations. i was one of six girls nominated.
i did not win, but that is not important.
my point is, that i'm lucky to have friends that went out of their way to make me feel like a princess even when my world was crashing down.
although i pretended that i thought they were dumb, i really did feel special.
and it was something really positive that happened to me in a really negative week.
this brings us to a sunday smile challenge #3.
i'm sure you know several people who have gone through significant challenges in their lives.
& i'm sure you have, too.
sometimes when something of unfortunate circumstance befalls you, you are constantly comforted for about a week after people find out.
but after that, people tend not to talk to you about it anymore.
even though a challenge has been present in a person's life for an extended period of time, doesn't mean that they don't struggle with it constantly.
everybody can use encouragement and love, at any time.
so i'd like for you & i to complete what i like to call 'the princess challenge' this week.
pick somebody who you have known for a while. who has been through something hard, or is going through something hard. someone who you admire because of their strength.
write them a letter. write in this letter all the reasons you think they are a princess. tell them why they are beautiful. tell them why you admire them. tell them of the lessons they've taught you.
sign the letter with your prettiest signature and give it to the person before next sunday.
not only will this help make the person feel loved, i promise you will feel wonderful about it.
okay? break.

p.s. anybody have any cool experiences with saying hi to people and making new friends?
i made a new friend by being willing to say hi and make small talk. and he is quite awesome. because i have found out that he is a genius at computer things. so, i plan to recruit him to make me a slideshow for a seminary assembly.
because i certainly don't know how.
new friends are handy.
i also have met several people this week who have ended up being readers of this blog. that is cool, is it not?
if you are a friend of ours and you read this, but we are unaware, please tell us :)
if we are not yet friends and you read this, please introduce yourself to me or mallory. we would get along. because you obviously have good taste.
if you are not stuck in high school and therefore do not have the chance to know us at all, please email us at we would really like to get to know you.
if you only read this blog because of mallory, i sincerely apologize. i know i post too much. just tell her to write something so i don't feel like a greedy little blog hogger.

thank you, all. have a fabulous day. you are beautiful!!


Friday, September 3, 2010


if you're having a bad day, 
at least you're not five years old and pregnant.
sincerely, hannah.