Sunday, February 27, 2011

the Y.

just a postcard from my collection, for your viewing pleasure.

i never ever had a desire to go to byu.

i had my heart set on BU or UW, or something like that.
so it surprised me that when i was applying to colleges, i felt like i only needed to apply to the u, byu, and usu.
these places are not what i pictured for myself.
i wanted a big city. big opportunities. new people and fantastic adventures.
but that's a little unrealistic. let's face it.
'specially since byu is, hm, 35,000 dollars less than UW?
every time i'd read my scriptures looking for an answer about which college to go to, i'd always find something about learning with knowledge and faith.
and so i began to think that byu was the place for me.
an education based on faith really is attractive to me, anyway.
so i kind of just planned on going there. when i'd imagine college, that's where i'd be.
and even though byu is a hard school to get into, i was never really worried because if i got in, it's where i'm supposed to be, and if i didn't, then the u was where i was supposed to be.
so on wednesday night as all the 11, 000 freshman applicants stormed the byu site to find out their admissions decision, i was right along with them.
at 10:45 the site let me in.
and i saw those words.
admitted undergraduate.
and then i laughed.
it was disturbingly similar to the laugh of a mad scientist.
and then my phone's inbox started to fill with messages from other adolescents who had been admitted, young women's leaders, and relatives.
and i have to tell you. i have never felt more at peace about a decision.
although i won't be near a few of my very important friends. (when it hit me that i wouldn't be with them anymore, i was driving to school. i cried. i don't cry.)
i don't know. it just feels weird to have a plan.
but i'm excited. to see what i can accomplish. and learn.

and so i know that several of you blog readers go to byu (or college for that matter) and i just want to make a request for some advice.
whatever advice you have.
where to live. what classes to take. things of that sort.
i would appreciate it.
thank you dear lovely stalkers.

love,  hannah.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Yes. A topic that is slightly intimidating to all humans between the ages of 12 and 18. And perhaps beyond, depending upon ones maturity level.
Just the word itself seems to make brows sweat, eyes widen, and heart beats stammer along at an awkward rate.

Kissing is so very strange.
It is believed to have originated back in the days of the cavemen. Mothers would chew food and then transfer it from their own mouth to the mouths of their children. And that, my friends, is how the kiss itself began.
Interesting, isn't it?
Something so... strange (others words such as gross or weird also work in place of "strange" here) as the cavemen feeding their children mouth-to-mouth has turned into something that is somewhat of an art.
Wouldn't you agree that kissing is an art to a degree? There are "bad kissers" and "good kissers."
I mean, how odd:

"Put your mouth on someone else's mouth. That is also the same body part that smiles, chews, breathes, speaks, eats, pukes, etc. Yeah. Just put your puker on their puker and suck in slightly until it makes a smacking noise. 'WHAT?!' you may say. I know. It's a little overwhelming. Just trust your instincts and go with it."

Now, let's not deny. We all practiced kissing when we were like 7 years old. I used to be a fan of putting on lipstick and kissing the mirror.
Looking back, it was slightly narcissistic of me to be kissing myself. But, hey. I probably thought I looked good back then.
Anyway, everyone freaks out about kissing. Like you have to marry someone if you kiss them.
In junior high, if anyone kissed, the entire school was sure to hear about it.

Remember when your best friend had her first kiss before you? And all you ever wanted to do was ask questions about it? You didn't really know what sort of questions to ask, but it was all so fascinating and you just wanted her to tell the story over and over. In fact, she would tell it so many times that you would think about her first kiss during the middle of your own first kiss. And then you start feeling really pathetic because kissing was not everything that she had made it up to be two years ago in junior high.

Think back on your very first kiss.

Did the stars align?
Did you feel like you were floating?
Did the spinning of the earth slow down just for that one moment?
Was it so perfect, you could hear wedding bells?

Yeah. Mine wasn't like that either.

Mine went like this:

Me: "I'm not going to kiss you."
Him: "Yes. You are."
(he leans in closer)
Me: "No. I'm really not."
Him: "Oh please. Yes you are."
(he touches my face with his. my heart rate goes one million miles an hour and I don't know how to run away. mostly I don't want to run away, but I'm so scared to kiss him because, well, what if I'm awful?)
Him: "Your heart is beating really loud."
My thoughts: OHHH perfect. I can't do this. What side is my nose supposed to go on? Am I supposed to use my tongue? Gross. I can't put my tongue in his mouth. I hope he doesn't put his tongue in my mouth. Oh my gosh, I'm about to have my first kiss. I'm not ready. He's too experienced and I'm going to be awful and I'm terrified. Why are his eyes closed?! I'm going to die. This is legitimately about to happen.
Me: (strange throat noise that occurs when one has something to say but can't say it)
And then we kissed. Romantic, isn't it?

Anyway. I suppose I should finally get to my main point.
Have you ever been kissed in such a way that you know that the person is kissing you to kiss you.
They aren't kissing you simply to be kissing, or to "cross you off the list."
They are kissing you because they want to be kissing you. Because you mean something to them.

It's a completely different experience than simply just kissing.
It's so much better when the heart is in it with the mouth.
You know?

I recently experienced the most invested (on both ends) kiss of my entire life.
You know someone is invested in kissing you when they do so while you smell like the food industry (aka your workplace) and your hair is in knots and they just learned everything shameful about you.
I don't know why he kissed me.
I honestly don't think I would have kissed me in that situation.
But he did.

And as strange as kissing might be, or as awkward as it can be, or as uncomfortable as it has ever been, there are times when you realize that this strange little phenomenon called kissing is worth it.

The man that makes you weak in the knees
with a single kiss is a keeper.

Just kiss the man. You'll regret it if you don't.

Love, Mallory

Post Script:
I mostly just apologize for the lack of flow and excitement in this post.
Please don't think of the cavemen the next time you kiss someone.

[edit]: Go here for round two.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

home is where the art is.

the art museum.
the one place in the world where i know exactly how to act.
the place where i don't have to say any words.
the place where i can just be.
i went to the carl bloch exhibit at byu today. i know. i'm a little late on that.
i stood in front of a big painting of jairus' daughter.
and i sent a little prayer up to heaven.
thank you for the way my insides feel when i look at art.
(because my heart feels huge like it's beating out of my chest.)
this is where i feel understood.
and then little tears started to come out of my eyes.
because i know where i belong.
i don't know what kind of significance is going to come out of my participation and appreciation of the art world.
i don't know how i'll help people.
but i feel like where i was standing, there were perfect indents in the wood floor, the shapes of my feet, telling me to stay where i was.
somehow i know it. i know where i'm supposed to go.
and now the only part is getting there.


Monday, February 21, 2011

I confess: I stole a great lyric and made it the URL of our blog. Is that illegal?

There is a song that changed my life.
This lovely little song came into my life in the ninth grade. It was sung by a group of us cute junior high children who were too young to genuinely appreciate what it was actually saying.

Unfortunately, I can't find the words on the internet.
(Let this be documentation of the first time in my entire life that Google has let me down...)
But, like I said, this song changed my life. Therefore, I think I remember most of the words. If they are wrong, I do apologize.

Some of my favorite lines went as follows:

For a canvas of color, for a concert of sound,
for the unfolding seasons, the earth spinning round.
For the birth of each sunrise, for the sky set ablaze.
For these simple gifts, we give simple praise.
For the love of a mother, for the touch of a hand.
For the deeper emotions we can’t understand.
For the lessons we learn from the trials we face.
For these simple gifts, we give simple praise.

Lovely, isn't it? I'll always remember that song.

It's stuck with me for three years now, and I often find myself thinking of it. Constantly. I believe that everything is a simple gift, therefore, well, you know. It deserves simple praise.

For novels that could be coffee tables.
For the hair on your head that hides your frustrations and insecurities.
For men who open doors for women.
For the pair of shoes that takes you on every adventure, no matter how far.
For fingers that play the black and white keys for sake of the art.
For the one you'll spend your entire life waking up next to.
For a notebook of empty pages that waits for you to tell your story.
For scents that recall a memory.
For homemade bread and homemade memories.
For a tide that washes away the shore and your sorrows.
For the bird that sings for you, for me, and of course for himself.
For these simple gifts, we give simple praise.

Love, Mallory

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

we're kinda strange, but i like it.

if the whole world understood.
then the whole world would understand.
and the whole world would have better valentine's days.

the way you invest your love, you invest your life.
-dear mumford & sons, whom have taught me more about love than almost anything.

my love? it's invested in friendships. and art. and happiness. and family.
and valentine's day is a good thing.

and last weekend i went on two dates.
on one, he turned to me, and said, let's do whatever you want.
and so we walked around the art museum.
we read old books in saver's.
we watched people & made up their stories.
we shopped for sweaters.
we pretended to be people who shop at nordstrom and banana republic and express.
we sang songs at the top of our lungs.
we went to the dollar theater.
he whispered in my ear the answers to all the questions i asked about this strange phenomenon called harry potter.
and we talked about our fears & our plans & the gospel.
and i decided then and there that my husband will be just like him.

on the other, a different he greeted me at his door.
and said, which belt should i wear?
and i said, the alligator one.
we overcame the awkward stage, and talked about music.
he made everyone laugh.
we don't know what we were dressed up as. but we howled (and meowed) at the moon.
we danced in shelbie's car with her sa-weet subwoofer.
killed each other in laser tag.
and ate some hamburgers.
tried out some fancy dance moves, and decided we have talent.
oh, and then we got married.
danced in the parking lot.
made plans.
and said goodbye.

well. i like these two boys. they are gems of the male race.
i think i'm lucky to know them. i hope they know they're wonderful.

dating is good. but not necessary for your high school happiness.

i suck at coming up with a moral for the story.

i am going to see young the giant tomorrow.

and joshua radin in a few weeks. i just bought his new album.

and i want to go to the sasquatch music festival more than anything.

that is all.




Sunday, February 13, 2011

i'm not lost, just undiscovered. act II.

i did it, my friends.
i followed my own advice.

& i was brave. and people didn't make me nervous.
i learned that all those people i listed before. they are just people, and now they are my friends.
and they like me too.

i also learned that even when things fall apart. they can fall back together.
and when they do, they often go even better than you planned.

i learned that thinking about books and music and friendships and conference talks (instead of clothes and boys and food and unhappy things) makes your mind feel very much at ease in the crazy world surrounding you.

and i also learned that, in the words of james,
in the time it takes to know someone, it all can change, before you know it's gone.
sometimes people leave. right when you think you know them. and you think they love you.
not in a romantic relationship way, i don't mean. but i mean anybody. with anybody it can happen.
but well. the comforting thing is that new ones always enter.
and maybe you'll find that the new ones are just what you need.

and such is life.

and such is how we grow.


Saturday, February 12, 2011

Gimme Sympathy

Answer me this:
Who would you rather be?
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

when we're alone, we're all the same as each other.

we all think.
we all cry.
we all worry.
we all sing.
we all dance.
we all smile.
we all stress.
we all hurt.

and so.
people are just people.
they shouldn't make you nervous.
people are just people like you.

even the perfect boy who is smarter than anyone you know.
even your awkward co-workers.
even your english teacher.

if you like somebody, tell them.
or they'll bug your mind.

if you want to be friends with somebody, say hello.
or you will still be lonely.

if you want to learn something, learn it.
or you won't ever know.

these are things i have to remember.

-hannah, james morrison, and regina spektor.

Monday, February 7, 2011

love is like breakfast.

love is like breakfast. 
most items can go together as part of the meal.
but only a few special combinations truly work.
you see, i am an english muffin.
just another carb, but a very classy one. 
one that few people are smart enough to choose.
and english muffins are even better with, say, orange marmalade. another classy food item.
or maybe some cinnamon. also a solid choice.

today jelly & lucky charms both asked me to be their other half. and i said, sorry. i'm waiting. for something better. (jelly is too insubstantial and lucky charms.. really? what makes you think english muffins and lucky charms are even in the same placemat?)

here is my proposition. orange marmalade? let's get together. we go well.
we would be the breakfast of champions... like the queen of england or simon cowell. or kate winslet.

...i'm starting to think i need to wake up early enough to eat breakfast in the morning so i don't think too much about it.

-the english muffin.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


"It will steal your innocence,
but it will not steal your substance."
-Mumford & Sons

Things happen.
But, no matter what, I'm still me.



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

details of my day.


about tuesday.

yeah, so i've really missed just posting whatever random thoughts are bouncing around in my head.
today i liked: 
the rigidly proper boy wearing a sunflower in his jacket pocket.
stealing cupcakes with kaylee & eating them in the mother's room.
the lunchside.
a new shirt.
"why are you the only person i'm hostile to?"
picking the most attractive boy on each page of the 1999 yearbook. (mostly they were all ugly and we picked the least so)
our french movie is the dumbest thing ever. it's a grenouille!!
not having fitness for life.
the florence & the machine album. i'm not calling you a liar...
& the pony letter i got in the mail from s.s. no one knows why she sent it in the summer and it just barely came.