Sunday, May 23, 2010

Attitude of Gratitude.

Today, I'm grateful.
I am so grateful.

I'm grateful for good friends.
I'm grateful for good food.
I'm grateful for laughter.
I'm grateful for memories.
I'm grateful for green grass and blue skies.
I'm grateful for family, extended and immediate.
I'm grateful for water, in every sense.
I'm grateful for my mini van.
I'm grateful for my music.
I'm grateful for my beliefs.

I'm just grateful.

I look at the life I've lead, and I wonder, "was it worth it?"
I think that question to myself at the end of every notable occurrence in my life.

Was it worth it?

Well. This school year is ending. My junior year in high school is over as I know it.
I'm going to be a senior. And I couldn't be more thrilled.
But I do wonder.
Was it worth it?

I think there are a lot of things I could have done better. There are surely a lot of things I missed out on, and a lot of things I should have missed out on.
But I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't live my life exactly the way that I did.
Does that make any sense?
I learn from every mistake. And I don't regret anything, because I've learned from everything.

And I'm grateful.
I'm grateful for my careless mistakes.
I'm grateful for my silent victories.
I'm grateful for who I am.
Even though I don't always like that person, I'm still grateful for her.

I'm grateful for every person that has helped me on the way.
I owe so much to so many people.

That's the beautiful thing about this life. We become who we are through other people.
Other people are so necessary; so vital.
We need them.
In the past, I've been too self righteous to see that.
It wasn't until last night that I realized I need other people.

At the end of every year, the drama department at my school has a banquet. Everyone gets dressed up and we eat dinner and rent out a really nice skyroom and the drama council gives awards and our teacher sings to us, and everyone cries. It's really great.
Last night we had our drama banquet.
And I looked across the table at my really close friend, Lauren Tucker, and I watched her cry. And I realized that there's no way i could ever have gone through this year without her. And I realized that as I looked around me at all the people graduating. And I wasn't ready to let them go.
But, alas, all involuntary separation must happen.
And I must become ready to watch Lauren and everyone else go.
I must be ready. Because I know that nothing would happen to me unless I were ready for it.

So here we go.
I'm ready.
I'm not necessarily happy to say goodbye. But I'm happy.
And I'm grateful for the time that I had with Lauren Tucker, or whoever.
I'm so grateful.
Because I don't think I deserved as much of the time from all of these people as I recieved.

I'm grateful.
Because I'm not always the nicest of people.
But, somehow, I lucked out with some of the most incredible influences in my life.
And I couldn't possibly be more grateful.

1 comment:

you look really good today!