and the truth is

...that i miss you.
there's a space in here that no one else can fill,
you're the only shape that fills this hole in my heart,
you really are.
you make me something better than i am
& i like who i am the most when i'm with you.
i miss how i told you every detail of every day
i miss being hanny
i miss snowcones on curbs
i miss giggles
i miss dolphin-shaped pb&j's
i miss watching episodes of friends every night
and i miss scrunchy, smiley eyes and noses.
the way you somehow got a lot more tan than i did last summer
the way the swings sounded under us
the way the wind felt coming through the window of your truck
the way you tell me to stay sweet.
i regret that we wanted too badly not to cry that i didn't tell you i loved you
i regret that i didn't hold on longer for that last hug
i regret that i never exactly told you
that you kept me going,
that you were so often my strength and my sunshine,
that you know me in a way that probably no one else will again.

and maybe one day you'll be right,
maybe one day we'll fall in love.
you called that one, so many years ago under bright yellow leaves.

but maybe not,
and that's just as good.
because i had you then,
i have you now,
i'll always have the boy...

and i tried right there to insert something that describes you, but i can't, because you're everything.

i'll always have the boy who was everything.