i want to keep you.
will you let me put you in my pocket?
i'm used to people leaving, i think.
it's what i expect.
and so when you become important to me,
i will cling and claw to try and keep you, because i am terrified that one day you will wake up and you won't want to keep me anymore.
so i do everything i can to keep you,
which will probably end up being the thing to drive you away.
(am i talking about physical distance? no, i'm talking about heart distance here)
and i'm sorry,
i'm sorry i can't stop worrying deep inside
i'm sorry i don't trust enough to let life happen
i'm sorry i can't always stay so calm
i'm sorry i can be so desperate.
and even though i shouldn't
and even though i would never admit it
i love far too easily,
far too quickly.
my heart is full of it, it's spilling out, and it's splashing on everyone i meet.
i love you in the most basic way,
i love you in the way you love in feelings without knowings
i love you in the way that isn't need; i love you in the hopeful way.
but the bottom line is
i love you.
and i am so very aware that love rarely ever stays
but that won't stop me from wanting it to,
it won't stop me from trying to keep you.
i will keep trying to keep you.
all of you.
all of the yous i've ever had.
and that is my downfall.