soul mates.

more lessons from eat, pray, love.

"...it's so hard for me to get over this guy because i seriously believed David was my soul mate."'

"he probably was. your problem is you don't understand what that word means. people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. your problem is, you just can't let this one go..."

"but i love him."

"so love him."

"but i miss him."

"so miss him. send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. if you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, and open spot--a doorway. and guess what the universe will do with that doorway? it will rush in--god will rush in--and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed."

we are teenage girls.
we are infamous for our skewed perceptions of love.
we are stereotyped as boy-crazy, squealing, ice-cream eating, chick-flick watching, ignorant people.
and that stereotype might be true.
if i was any indication--because i didn't realize this until a little while ago--there's something we don't understand.

i don't think we understand that these boys are merely boys.
they aren't the reason we're here. they aren't the sole purpose for us to live. they aren't super heroes that will fix everything that's wrong with us. they aren't magic.
they won't stay forever.
they aren't supposed to.
they are here to teach us.

maybe you think you love a boy, but maybe he's hurting you. let him go. he's here to show you that you have to be strong on your own.he's showing you your weaknesses, so that you can see them.

he's a tool for your growth.

stop

-thinking that you're in love with someone who makes you feel awful eighty percent of the time.

-justifying that he's worth it because of that twenty percent of the time.

-basing your self worth on what he says.

-doubting you can do things on your own.

-hating your own company.

-feeling lonely.

start

-to realize that you're beautiful.

-to realize that you're strong.

-being grateful for him.

-sending him light and love.

-being yourself.

-seeing the lessons.

-seeing god.

you might not guess. but i understand.

i am tired, so so tired,

of reading the blogs of sweet, interesting, unique girls,

but only seeing words of confusion, mostly brought on by a boy, or two, or three.

they aren't your life.

please, please, please.

just be you before you're anybody else's.

god is waiting to step into your heart.

he's waiting to make those weaknesses strengths. 

and sometime later,

maybe a year later,

you'll look at the boy who showed them to you with love and gratitude.

i did.

i was where you are.

he was angry and he yelled.

he made me feel tiny.

i read this book last march,

and then i understood why.

love. it will not betray, dismay or enslave you. it will set you free, to be more like the (girl) you were made to be. there is a design, an alignment, a cry of my heart to see the beauty of love as it was made to be.

love isn't pain.

love isn't confusion.

love doesn't feel dark.

love was designed to be beautiful.

and what i was experiencing wasn't love--though i'd thought a few times that it might be. it was a lesson. it was an experience, and a process. it was another way to see who i am inside.
just for good measure, my walls had to be knocked down two-fold, so i could see the foundation i was resting on.

and for that, i was able to build up.

i was meant to be strong.

i was meant to be calm.

i was meant to be understanding.

i was meant to be patient.

i was meant to be iron-willed.

i was meant to be hannah.

and i wouldn't have found it without him.

i wonder if this is too personal.

but i don't even care, too much.

i want you to know.

i'm responsible for who i am.

he just helped me see it.

i feel silly and i feel vulnerable writing this.

but it's the truth as far as i see it.

i guess what i'm getting at is that it really doesn't matter. your adolescence is about finding yourself. it isn't, by any means, about finding the love of your life. adolescence is so hard because we are handed endless amounts of awkward and difficult and confusing things so that we can be able to figure out our foundations, and so we can stick to them when we become adults and our decisions have graver consequences. we are teenage girls, and so teenage boys are an easy thing to slam us with as a vehicle for this finding-out process.
and i believe that is exactly what the purpose of high school relationships (or lack of them) are.
to smack you awake and show you your flaws and your strengths so you can use them when you need them.

i am by no means trying to assert that every experience with a boy will be awful. they can just as easily teach us in a positive way. but it seems that as of late all i've seen is drama and confusion, and that's what has brought upon this post.

the idea is that i believe that once we find that special person that we love more than any other, they aren't going to complete us.
they shouldn't complete us.
we should be whole on our own, and they should set us free.
so it's not about one certain boy or the other girls or the way your heart feels or kisses or butterflies.
it's about you.
it's about you becoming you.

i wish someone would have told me that.

love, hannah.