everyday i am learning.
i'm learning about the renaissance and progressives and du bellay's sonnets and cellular respiration but i'm also learning so much about myself.
i spend so much time with myself and my mind. and most of it isn't quality time with myself--i'm still just busy writing papers and reading pages. but i've learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses and i already feel like my mind has opened exponentially since the day i got here.
i've realized again just how prideful and selfish i can be. the people that i just automatically love here are the humble ones and the ones i can't stand are the superficial ones. i realize that most of the time i'm not even the kind of person i'd want to be friends with.
my patience has been stretched, and my patience is a gift. i am able to be patient when most people can't. for that, i'm extremely grateful. but there are things that stretch my nerves everyday. not things that i am annoyed with. it's more that i have one thousand things on a list, and not enough time. and i'm impatient with how long it takes me to do things that i don't feel anything for (like reading labor law cases) and having no time at all to do the things i feel are beneficial to my soul and it's ability to function (like sleep, which i do in history class instead of learning about those labor law cases. also, writing letters. we know it's a problem when i don't have time to write a letter. that's #1 priority up in here.)
there's so many lessons i've learned that i could share with you, and i'm sure i will at some point. but the one that sticks out in my mind is to act.
i have a book of mormon class with tyler griffin. please, if you have the chance, take his class. every week, the 100 minutes i spend in that class are the most peaceful i have. we're in second nephi, and this week we read chapter 2. it's all about agency. and it says to act, and not be acted upon. i'd heard this principle so many times before but i have never really thought to apply it. which is so dumb, because i essentially just ignored what i was learning every time that happened.
but this time i read it, and it gave me the answer to all of my problems. i want so many things. i want to make new friends, i want to keep my old ones, i want to go on humanitarian trips, i want to get good grades, and most of all i want to come closer to Christ. sometimes i feel like i deserve blessings. hey, i'm doing well. i'm going to church and saying my prayers, i'm being honest and loving others, could you do me a solid and help me out here? and i don't know what i'm expecting Him to do. like money and cute boys are going to come tumbling out of the sky? how ignorant can i be?
i forget that He's just waiting for me to make it happen myself. He wants, so badly, for me to be happy and to choose action. i have the power in my hands to get everything that i want. i have to take the steps to get it. i have to talk to people to make new friends, i can't just wait for them to talk to me. i have to do the same to maintain my cherished relationships with others. i have to save money if i want to go on a trip, i have to work to get good grades, and i have to study and ponder and act again on the things i learn to come closer to Christ.
it's all up to me and i feel much more empowered.
that said, i know i can't do it all on my own. nobody can. but as long as i am trying, His grace will fill in all the gaps that my little human self can't take care of.
and that's just one of the lessons i've learned in my 32 days at college.
growing up is sure a lot of work.