to create

there is an irresistible urge that comes sometimes. it comes from deep inside my heart. it comes when i am inspired. i have weeks of inspiration; my mind goes one million miles a minute for days at a time and i write down ideas and i even act on some of them. and i have so many things i want to create.
i walk inside the hfac and i want to stay. i peer inside the classroom windows and all i can see is equipment and colorful posters, and i want to be inside. i want to create.
i want to paint every day, i want to take photos, i want to sing, i want to choreograph because i can't dance myself. i want to assemble, to write, to sculpt, to arrange. i want to create.
i think about the end of my life. i think about what i want to leave behind. and it will be nothing if i don't create.
sometimes i wonder if what i am doing is right. i am studying the creators and the creations. i am studying, not creating. i long to be the creator. but i am not talented like that. my creations have significance to me, i could not ask for them to be displayed. demand for them to mean something to others. plus, i think the greatest artists never set foot in art school. it's something they just are. i think a school telling you what and how to create takes all the creativity out of you.
but then i sit in a lecture hall under a towering slide of stella or rothko and all the others around me don't understand. they don't feel anything. but i do. and there's not that many people like me.
so i remember that i can teach people how to see. how to feel. and maybe if i can teach people that, i can create a world that is a safer place for creators. i can create beautiful minds that will create beautiful manifestations.
so maybe that's my role in this line of creation. i won't ever make objects that are meaningful to you. but maybe i can teach you to make them yourself.