my love life

so, i really really like this boy named *ernest*. we met in a fabric store. i was checking out the cat fabric because... well my grandma likes to make cat quilts. *that's my backup story* and he popped out behind me and said hi. we hit it off. he had the swoosh. i was sold. i thought i'd fill you guys in about him. it's been hard to keep it a secret. anyway, last night, he took me on my dream date. we went 80s roller skating. and held hands. *oh my goooooooshhhhh* it was magical. he complimented my awesome lime green spandex shorts. i mean who does that these days? he's a real gentleman. anyway here's the first problem: i just can't get him to kiss me. i mean i totally thought we were going to during *party in the usa* because it's like the most romantic song EVER. moving my hips like yeah...
but i digress.
you know how you know when a boy is going to kiss you? you just know 'cause his eyes look like chocolate and he looks at your lips a lot. it just felt so right. but... he didn't kiss me. i need to get him to kiss me or i might go crazy, his lips are the fountain of love and i'm thirsty.
my friend jess told me it's easier just to force them to kiss you, but i don't know if that's my swag. my friend nat told me to just kiss the crap out of him but i can't do that. what if he gets mad and never sees me again? what do i do? think about that question and answer it in your head while i move on to my next set of problems.
namely: *montey*. he's a bad boy. that's his street name. his best friend is carlo. anyway i saw him riding his harley and man, i just melted. that leather jacket is a smooth as buttah. he would kiss me anytime i wanted but the only thing that's stopping me is ernest. but sometimes i just get so close because his lips look like rosebuds...
look, i know he's a player and i'm just using him for his jacket and his rosebud lips but hey, i can't be good ALL the time. sometimes i just want to do it!
i want to get lost in a man's hands. not like that. but you know.
and here's the last problem.
he's perfect.
james.
he takes me to bookstores and art museums and neverland. he doesn't talk too much which is more than i can ask for. that is rare, my friends. plus his hair is kind of red. plus he likes to watch chick flicks.
here's the problem: we're stuck in the friend zone. how do i change this? it's must be the hardest of all my problems... he's the dream!



ahhhh...
i think i might just ditch them all and go for the beibs.





beibs forever.


-han

my dream

my favorite statue--winged victory at the louvre.

to be an education/design curator of modern art at an art museum. 

there is a problem with the way museums and the art world is run, right now.

too often, a painting is just hung on the wall. 

the viewer is expected to look at it and just understand.

well, news flash, art world.

we are the only people who are going to actually do that.

the rest of the public has no idea why four different shades of yellow in fuzzy boxes is art, or why it's important.

they don't know what the name rothko means.

it's our job to teach them.

when i run a museum, i will first introduce the philosophy of this artist/movement. 

when was it, why was it, how was it, who was involved, and what was happening in the world at this time? how did it change history?

then i will show the art. i will urge you to experience it and not just look at it. what are the connections to emotion or idea or philosophy? art is not art with out one of these. art should not be futile. 

i will ask you to be open until the end.

you cannot walk into this exhibit thinking that this is not art.

you are never allowed to say "i could do that" with the connotation that it is not art. i will show you why talent isn't exactly the point. creativity is. and, by the way, you're an artist, too. you could do that and it would still be art. only if you meant something by it, or it was your idea.

and then, at the end, you can decide what you think. but not until you know what you need to know to make a decision. you cannot have an opinion on something you know nothing about. 

what art is is up to you, not me. it has to mean something to you.

to be art, something has to have an idea, emotion, or philosophy behind the creation of it. it must also evoke one of those in the partaker of this art, or convey it's idea to the viewer. 

this doesn't mean it has to say something complex about humanity. beauty in itself is it's own purpose and end. 

if you find it beautiful, you just gave it meaning, and therefore, made it art. 

when we create things, no matter what they are, we are expressing a part of us. a piece of our soul has taken a tangible form. 

that is, above all, what art is.

it is a visible manifestation of souls. and it is not limited to what i can put in my museum. it is the connecting line between all humans. the way we understand each other. the way we cope. and the way we progress.

that's what i want to teach people.

that is my dream.

love, hannah.

in place

the montreal market.

no matter how much you love some people,

you still might not feel good about yourself when you're around them.

find a few that you feel lovely around,

that you know always love you, and that you always love.

everything will be well.

i feel in place.

like i belong, once again.

a place to belong is sometimes so hard to find.

i suppose it only comes when you stop trying,

and you open your heart to whatever comes to you.

i'm free.

i'm full.

it's a wonder what a week of country club lunches, planking, letters, temple visits, and "i love yous" can do for a soul.

love, hannah

what it's all about.

a few nights ago, we rode our bikes in the dark to go and swing.
we rode, all five of us, in a pack like the order. (yes, i'm getting into harry potter, guys.)
we swung high, and looked at those stars.
we ignored the ugly screeches our play produced.
three of us ran away to the playground, and we talked about everything.
we aren't best friends, but we could be.
and i remember thinking, while i was there,
this is what it's all about.
it's about big hearts.
it's about learning from others.
and it's about the simple act of just existing and being grateful for that.

our lives are a beautiful thing.
and sometimes i know, it's hard to live them fully.
but when those moments come when you feel full,
cherish them with all you have.
try to learn to keep them in your heart, always.

love, hannah.

depth

i would like to send out a thank you to everyone who reads.
you support my words, which i feel are not my strength.
i have recently been given the compliment that me and mal have depth, and that this blog has depth.
i've never loved a compliment more.
this is probably the one thing in the world that i appreciate the most--depth.
even more than beauty. though i think they go hand in hand.
i strive to keep a firm hold on reality, and to live as a real human being, a real me, and nothing superficial.
of course i'm never completely that way; no one is.
the people that i love the most have depth,
and the people that don't are the only thing in the world i don't like to give a chance, though i should.
it's easy to see who has depth, and i am endlessly flattered to be counted among that number.
i love real-life humans who talk about the things that stir their hearts,
who are vulnerable but not afraid of it,
who have joy and not material happiness,
and who are true friends.
depth is a quality i admire.
it leads people to speak honestly,
it leads them to feel things,
it gives them tact,
and it allows them to really be alive instead of just living.

everyone is capable of depth,
though some are too afraid or insecure or ignorant to find it.

but to all of you, thank you for your depth,
for sharing your hearts,
and making humanity more human.
being human is a wonderful thing.
our flaws are a wonderful thing.

you know who you are.
thank you.

change

in the next month,
my mom will get married,
and i will gain 5 sisters.
our favorite man will leave for two years,
to go spend time with lucky spanish speaking tallahassans.
and i'll move to college,
and take a class called "living with plants" for my biology credit.

change is good.
that's what they say.

love, han.

mail circuit continues.

hello everyone! we had a very successful first go-around with the mail circuit.
i just got my cd and am listening to it right now! (thanks rosie!)


so this next one i have up my sleeve involves lists and more senders.
if you want to participate, (even if you participated in the last one), email me again at hannah.mallory1@gmail.com.
please include your address again, even if you've already given it to me.
you are welcome to join if you haven't previously!

thank you dear flies.
love, han.