young.

mallory is much much much too kind to me.
she is clearly responsible for the awesomeness of this blog.
& i love her. so so much.
thanks, mal.
something she said in that post has got me thinking. about how she & i are free and young.
trust me, that is a true statement. and those are two beautiful words.
but sometimes i worry about myself. and the young thing.
because, as john mayer states, "i'm only good at being young".
i don't have a solution..
so maybe, just maybe, i can stay young forever?
that would be MUCH appreciated. because when i am young, i get to do things like this:
remember when i asked a boy to preference obnoxiously early?
well, saturday night was the big night.
and i feel like i must follow up with you, since some of you thought i was clever.
a.) steve is the best date ever. i love him dearly, and we have amazing dance moves.
b.) all the rest of my group was amazing also. and it was just a blast all over.
c.) let me just show you the rest in photos.

 (of course we had to stop at the photobooth. it was a full circle moment. commentary: 

1st photo in b&w: we had to smile because we pulled faces in every picture that night.

2nd: steve wanted to be a vampire and eat me.

3rd: awkward looks. typical.

4th: who knew his mouth was that large?

color photostrip: steve & i, jess & jake, nat & martin. love them.)

 

classy, right?

that evening gave me joy.

i hope that your weekend was lovely.

go to dances with nice boys.

and be young as long as you want to.

lovelovelove, han.

The better fly:

This is my dearest friend, Hannah.
Perhaps you've met her?
Or read her blog before?
She writes beautifully.




In any event, I often times look through the old photos I have stored on my phone. And I came across this lovely thing. I do believe it's the best photo that I've ever beheld, and the best photo I've ever taken of someone.
This was taken at a football game. I was a level above Hannah and she turned around and looked up at me, smiling as if she had a secret.
(She always smiles that way. And it's that smile of secrecy that keeps those men running back to her. I tell you what, the woman is brilliant.)
And I snapped a photo of her, because she's just too darn cute not to photograph.

This photo depicts the loveliness of  being free and being young. To me, Hannah is just that. And that's what we are together, I suppose. We are free and we are young, and we surely act that way.

We are flies on the wall, observing everything, flying around, never in one place.
Because we are free birds. Or free flies, I suppose...

Anyway, this post is mostly just a tribute to Hannah. And all of the lovely things she brings into my life.

She's a sure gem. And my dearest pal. And I'd die without her being my fellow fly and constant light at the end of the tunnel.

I love her.


Love, Mal

my best man (and other life catch-ups)

this man. i call him sparkler. he calls me hanny.

on some thursdays we go and get hot chocolate and chat. because our lives are busy and we swear we never talk anymore.

i just wanted to say,

that if you ever feel like you are underwater (as in, life is boring, you're not fully there today) go get some hot chocolate with a meilleur ami. 

it brightened up my mood, a little bit.

other things about this week that made me break the surface of my underwater winter life:

• chats with ari at the statue park
• classy nordstrom dresses
• trying to buy an order of chicken nuggets at chick-fil-a and being given one single chicken nugget instead
• one shiny fingernail, thanks to ben at the kiosk in the mall
• meeting new people who like good music
• classy black heels
• going to the eisley concert with other better men
• reading the french version of star wars (C3PO is 6PO. it bugs, a little but i like it).
• having pal time with jessica
• bucket lists being fulfilled
• classy new cell phone
• slider's gourmet (it's kinda cool).
• notes written on the back of receipts and placed on my windshield that say: "hello. -jake"
• a boy named jackson. he is a small child stuck in a 6 foot 2 inch body and i feel the need to take care of him. but he makes me smile each and every day.
• writing notes to my little sisters
• writing notes to addy
• reading a paper my sister wrote for school that said i was her hero
• celebrating my mother's birthday
• lotsa lotsa new music, including frank

and well, life in general had been continuously busy for the last few weeks. but so, so continuously rewarding.

do things you love, people.

make sure you did something to remember with your day.

that's been my goal this week.

i said to myself.

this week, i will not watch t.v. 

and instead, i will bond with friends. i will listen to good music. i will write letters. i will journal. i will think of worthwhile things to do.

and boy. oh boy.

i am not deliriously happy, but i feel fulfilled.

i have been busy. but busy with lovely, lovely things.

& somehow i still got my homework done.

love, hannah.

also i felt like sharing this photo of me, the mother figure, and jackson, the five year old son figure. no, we are not in love, but we are, in fact, two very attractive, well dressed people, and we have agreed to wed sometime in the future. and i love to use a thousand commas in one sentence. and also hyperbolies.  okay... talk to you later...
oh and he's a winner cause he dressed up as james dean for halloween.
really. that's all. bye!

train of thoughts on flirting.

sometimes this blog gives me stress because i know that so many people i know read it.

how i wish to be blatantly honest about the thoughts that consume my mind.

but in a world where virtually all your friends, parents, and distant relatives/family friends have access to your thoughts (thanks mom (she sent an email to all her friends with the link)) things are not so simple.

i could tell you lovely things about a boy i know.

but i won't.

i could tell you not so lovely things about a boy i used to know.

can't.

i could tell you how i feel about high schoolers and their flirting tactics.

oh, but i still probably will.

i could tell you about art and antiques.

but no one really cares.

i guess i'll just have to tell you about flirting tactics.

here's my most recent favorite seventh grade throwback:

boy 1 grabs girl 1's cell phone. runs. boy 2 and girl 2 get involved. all four run around in circles squealing and tickling and saying various phrases such as "give it to me!" "don't you dare read that text!" and "i hate you!". girls energy diminishes and boy 1 runs away triumphantly with phone, only to discover that the text was from girl 1's mom and there is nothing about him on the device. all four exhaustedly giggle while gasping for breath.

everyone feels good about life because that adventure certainly means they have a winner for a potential dating partner.

yes, teenagers amuse me. i don't include myself in this category, because i never have and never will be good at the flirting game.

never. sometimes i wish i was.

i don't say things for the sake of saying them. when i'm in social situations, the only time i contribute is when i feel it's worthwhile. so, sometimes it's awkward when i'm the only one not engaging in flirty banter.

other times i have chats with ari and we decide it's perfectly better to be calm and classy and not make a fool of ourselves.

especially because i'm only interested in boys who are calm and classy themselves, anyway.

you know, the kind that write me notes on postcards and sing me songs and tell me they like my shoes.

and also probably listen to frank sinatra and like to sit on benches and take pictures with film cameras and know all the classical/jazz/showtune radio stations.

mmm... and maybe look up videos of deep sea fish on the internet and wear nice sweaters and touch my nose when i'm cute.

too bad i don't know a boy like this.

okay, i do know a boy like this. too bad he is practically my younger brother and acts like a five year old on a minutely basis.

issues.

anyway. i'm not saying flirting is bad. i still respect you if the cell phone trick is in your repertoire. all i'm saying is that it's not my style and i don't fully understand it.

i don't know if i belong in high school. but i do know that i love it. and that it provides endless hours of entertainment.

but to those of you who are teenagers: the old tricks are just that. old. please amuse me with a new flirting tactic. i may just blog about it.

-han.

Nothing but trouble.

I am a sucker for his fantastic life stories.
And he has wonderful hair, in which he lets me run my fingers.
He appreciates great music.
He thinks I'm funny. And boy, does that symphonic laugh get me every time.
He knows exactly what I mean when I attempt to explain my philosophy on life to him.
The silence between the two of us is beautiful. And almost insightful.
And, let's not forget to mention how lovely his hands are.
He's nerdy. He loves history.
His quirks are endearing.
He flaunts his imperfections so perfectly.
He has a good heart. I can see it in his eyes.
I knew he would be quite the trouble from the first time he made me laugh.
And quite the trouble he is.
But the boy sure knows how to kiss.
And he calls me "My dear."

And I think I like him. Maybe a lot.

Oh, how I am loathing my silly little self.
This madness must cease..


--Mal

in mourning of october.

sometimes when the weather is at it's best, i jump into my teeny blue car, roll the windows down, and drive around town with she & him at full blast. my film camera sits in the passenger seat and when we see something pretty we stop and take pictures. and this is what results. isn't it gorgeous? october is my favorite month, through and through.

i love the slightly crisp air that signals beginning of tights-wearing season. i like when it rains and i can roll down the window and catch the drops in the palm of my hand. i like crunchy leaves and drinking hot chocolate in pretty parks. i like walking by the canal right after it rains and getting my boots a little muddy. 

i really like that the beauty makes me appreciate my hometown and my entire life a little bit more. a lot more.

october and i had a really great fling.

what do you like about it?

--han

belief.

salt lake city, as seen from the lens of the film camera.

there's a time in every life when a decision must be made.the decision of what to believe. of what to be.
and now, well, i've decided. the past year i've spend in confusion has ironically allowed me to find what i really believe in. i've come to a point where i don't just believe what i believe. i live it. i am amazed at the recent ease with which i've been able to move through this beautiful world. that's what makes me so content, i think. that belief system is 90% of how okay i've been.
i believe in journals. and with that, blogging. it keeps me sane. it is a way for me to force feelings into words; feelings that would otherwise be bottled up inside of me. writing sets them free.
i believe in the scriptures and the prophets. i believe everything they say has a purpose in my life. this gospel can only lead to happiness. there is nothing to lose for believing it.
i believe that the blessings received as a result of exercising faith are not a coincidence.
i don't believe in coincidences. i believe that everything has a purpose. everything.
even if it's resulted from my own mistakes, there's something for me to learn. and from every person.
i believe in patience. not waiting. enduring well. taking the time to learn the lesson and apply it until God allows me to move forward.
i believe in being interesting. in cultivating my uniqueness.
i believe in creating my own happiness.
i believe in things that make me smile. 
i believe in blatantly singing and dancing while i'm driving down the street, in the hope that someone will see me and laugh. because i LOVE to see people singing in their cars.
i believe in the past. i believe that antiques are so much better than brand-new.
i believe in limited technology. tangibility over ease. 
i believe in the power of sticky-note joy.
i believe in art. in the feeling i get deep in my soul.
i believe in beauty. and respect. 
i believe in mothers. 
i believe that it's possible for someone to make you feel like sunshine, and when they do, you had better keep them around.
i believe in confidence and a good pair of shoes. 
i believe in honesty and commitment. 
i believe in music.
i believe that this generation can change the way the world sees.
i believe in myself.


yes, most of all, i believe in me.


i believe i can do it. by 'it', i mean life. i can succeed. succeeding in the sense of being happy no matter what occurs. so i will. i won't ever be shaken.




--hannah



p.s.
here's my campaign for a life in technicolor: click me!