tips on dating from the flies.

 

hannah=lowercase
Mallory=Uppercase
(but that should be clear to you by now.)

okay, so it's common knowledge around these parts that mallory and i are clearly desirable dating partners. (Especially Mallory. See above soup-eating photos.) today we went to zupas on a woman date and to also ogle mallory's man...  and as we sat eating our cauliflower soup we realized that eating soup with another person is just awkward. we decided to make that a dating tip. soon after, we had five more tips made.
and since we are such experts we decided to share them with you.


1. don't eat soup on a date. just, awkward. as you can tell, from the photos above, exhibit a, b and c.
2. Never date boys that smoke things. It only leads to terror, anger, and coughing.
3. don't date suicidal guys. (insensitive?)
4. read the signs of the doorstep hug, so you're prepared. nothing's worse then going in for the real hug when he's just planning on a wimpy side-hug...
5. Only laugh when laughing is appropriate.
6. you're allowed to say no if a guy asks you on a date and he's a creep slash is a juvenile delinquent.
7. joking about love and marriage (name the man with that song) with a guy is perfectly funny and lighthearted in every setting except for an actual date.
8. Save your "best outfit" for the second date.
9. Refrain from eating salad. Not only does a man like a girl with a good appetite, but he also likes a girl without anything nasty just chillin' in her teeth.
10. Make sure that the temperature of your food is appropriate to your mouth's liking. Burning yourself is not only painful, but embarrassing.
11. just because he dresses well and likes good music doesn't mean he's classy.

Please, don't fear. For, there is much more dating advice for us to dispense. Hannah and I have much experience, and we are not shy in sharing our brilliant insights and knowledge with you. We understand that we are far superior to everyone when it comes to dating. By following our advice and brushing your teeth, you are sure to have dating success.
We would like to suggest that you use our advice at your own risk.
If anything is lost, stolen, damaged or misplaced in the usage of our advice, we have no liability. The Diaries of a Fly on the Wall is not responsible for the mishaps and mayhem that may occur in the application of the advice given above.


love, hannah

Love,
Mallory